He's a Soldier - and a Jason Caffey Update

Sorry Browns fans, K2 is gone. According to ESPN.com, the Browns have traded Kellen Winslow Jr. to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for some undisclosed draft picks. For the Browns sake, I hope they got at least a 2nd round pick for him, but my gut tells me it is probably a 4th and something like a 6th or 7th. The problem with Winslow was that he just could not stay healthy. Couple that with an allergy to blocking the likes of which has not been seen since Alex Kardos perfected the Swinging Gate in NCAA 2003, and you have a TE that is actually pretty expendable. When he is healthy, he is a top 5 TE, who plays the position more like a WR. He has tremendous hands, is a terror after the catch, and can spark any offense by keeping drives alive on third down. The problem is that Winslow is likely to land another staph infection in Cleveland, keeping him out for yet another year.

His departure leaves Cleveland pretty thin at TE. Steve Heiden is actually a pretty good option as a blocking TE, but he is about as injury ridden as Winslow was. The free agent list is pretty mediocre - it is headlined by Philly TE LJ Smith, who actually plays much like Winslow. Other options are Daniel Wilcox, Jim Kleinsasser, and Desmond Clark. Besides Smith, there is hardly an option in that bunch that could replace the production of a healthy Winslow. That means the Browns could opt to go to the draft to fill the need. Given the rest of the glaring holes on their roster, I am thinking they will try to plug the gap with a serviceable player and hope that Heiden can step into a starting role.

In some Shawn Kemp news, a recent appearance by former Chicago Bull and Golden State Warrior PF Jason Caffey on the Dr. Phil show revealed some interesting info about Mr. Caffey. Apparently, Caffey has 10 (TEN!) different children with 8 (EIGHT!) different women. In case you were wondering, the legendary Shawn Kemp is only alleged to have seven children with multiple women (of course, there is speculation that this number is much higher).

The 6'8" Caffey played on 2 NBA Championship teams with the Bulls in the late 90's, and signed an enormously overpaid $35 million contract with the Warriors when he became a free agent. The subject of the Dr. Phil episode was on the unfairness of being a deadbeat dad. Apparently, Caffey is expected to pay child support like he is still making $35 million in the NBA. Of course, he probably spent every last dime of his contract on houses, cars, HIV tests, and anything but condoms, so he definitely has no money left. A judge ruled against Caffey, saying he has to pay every woman their due support, so he is pretty much screwed. Pretty ironic that it happens to a guy that screwed more than Kelly Bundy at a post-game NBA party. Come to think of it, Kelly may be one of the unlucky 8.

So the real question to me is how can Jason Caffey pull so much ass that he can have 10 kids with 8 women? Is life really that easy on NBA stars? Next, we will find out that Calbert Cheaney and Alan Henderson are starting there own reality show: From Hoosiers to Ho's, Life of an NBA Role Player, in which they talk about how they rose from banging chicks at frat parties in Bloomington while playing for Indiana University, to bagging 3 skanks a night on a road trip in Milwaukee. Would you be surprised if Alan Henderson had some illegit's running around? Other candidates for future Dr. Phil shows - former Nugget PG Robert Pack, NBA journeyman Chris Gatling, and a dark horse candidate, The Shaq of the Mac, Gary Trent. If he travels anywhere near the Midwest, he can't help but get laid off his legend at Ohio University.

In other news:

• Michigan shocked me by handling Purdue pretty easily at home. I was counting this game as a sure loss, so this actually puts them in position to make a run at the Big Dance again. Their last two games, at Minnesota and at Wisconsin, have to at least finish in a split for them to have a chance. If they split, two wins in the Big Ten Tourney will likely put them in
  
• Washington gave Albert Haynesworth $100 million on the first day of free agency. I can see this blowing up in a big way. Haynesworth has never really played a full season, and Washington doesn't have the best track record with free agent signings. As a division rival, I don't like Haynesworth going to Washingtong, but I can see him looking like Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry in about three years.


• The Cavs caught a break when Ben Wallace broke his leg. He will miss 4-6 weeks. This will give JJ Hickson some valuable time to get some quality minutes before the Cavs make their playoff push. Wallace is good for offensive rebounding and a bench press contest, but he is worthless otherwise.

That is all for today. NRTTS.

Coach Deuce