Fail

Epic Fail.  Two words that so accurately describe Michigan's overtime loss to the Iowa Hawkeyes on Sunday.  With tournament hopes riding high and depending on that win, Michigan led by 4 with one minute remaining in regulation.  A drive by Manny Harris resulted in a raping that would make Verne Schillinger blush, only for the fantastic Big 10 referees to ignore it.  A weak foul call on Deshawn Sims on the other end would make life easy for Iowa, sending them to the free throw line for two shots that they would bury.  Michigan failed to execute again on the offensive end, this time drawing a vagina foul on the offensive rebound attempt, again sending Iowa to the line where they would tie the game.  

This is where it gets interesting.  Michigan, ball in hand, has 25 seconds left to take the last shot and avoid overtime.  Smart money was on a Manny Harris drive, Deshawn Sims post up, or Stu Douglas spot up.  Instead, after John Beilein called a TO to diagram the last play, we wound up passing the ball around the perimeter and ended up with Manny Harris holding the ball 25 feet away from the basket with 2 seconds left.  One fallaway three pointer later, Michigan was heading to OT.

This is where the story gets really interesting.  To start the OT period, Michigan trotted out the lineup of Douglas, Novak, Sims, Lee, and Merritt.  A shot of Manny Harris on the bench revealed that he was none to pleased about his situation.  Harris has been Michigan's best and worst player at times this year.  His numbers are impressive, but anyone who has watched the games knows that his ability to score and get to the basket has been wildly inconsistent.  Often, he pads his points by salting away the game on the free throw line, where he excels.  Here, he found himself on the bench in perhaps Michigan's most important game of the year.  Something had to be up, right?  Five minutes later, Michigan was outscored by over ten points and lost at Carver Hawkeye Arena.

So what would cause JB to sit the leading scorer and one of the best rebounders?  We will probably never know, but I am leaning toward one of these options.

• Manny commended JB on his play diagram at the end of regulation.  A fantastic shot from a well diagrammed play, Manny was simply commending JB on a job well done.  
• Manny had not eaten that day, and did not want to play the last five minutes because his blood sugar was too low.  He could not risk the last five minutes on an empty stomach.
• Manny suggested that JB had had an inappropriate relationship with former player Kevin Pitsnoggle.  Something about a tattoo parlor and a bucket of KFC after a long practice brought them together....
• Manny had threatened to elbow-fuck JB's wife after the great end-of-regulation shot.  No word on whether or not this deed has actually been performed.  For the record, Manny elbow-fucking someone would be the equivalent of Shaq foot-fucking someone.  As Clubber Lang put it, forecast for the match: PAIN.
• JB had wanted to get the least athletic lineup in Division 1 history on the floor at the same time.  With two white guy shooters, 2 walk on point guards, and a soft big man, JB may have accomplished what he wanted to do.  Congratulations.

The bottom line is no one except those close to the team will know exactly why Manny Harris was benched for overtime.  When asked in his post-game press conference why he benched him, JB said that the coaches felt he was not himself that day.  He was not playing well, so they went with other options.  I actually buy this, because when Manny is not playing well he turns the ball over more than David Ford.  However, I do not agree with the choice to go with David Merritt as his replacement.  While Merritt will no doubt make a great mayor or President (David Merritt: The Audacity of Actually Shooting During a Game, eat your heart out Barack Obama), he does not make a great, good, or even average Division 1 player.  Having him at the bottom of the 1-3-1 zone is a bigger handicap than having no condoms at a sex party that includes Shawn Kemp, Travis Henry, Doug Oates, and the guy from Cheaper by the Dozen.  Your womb is not going to be alright.  Personally, I would have liked to have seen Jevohn Shepard in the mix for Manny's minutes.  He could at least give Iowa's shooter named Bullwinkle a little trouble, whereas Merritt is like being closed out on by Gary Coleman.  

So now Michigan must win either all three of their remaining games, or make some kind of miracle run in the Big 10 Tournament if they want to have a chance to make the Big Dance.  I would be disappointed if they did not make the dance, but then I remember that this was a team last year that won only 10 games last year.  On top of that, they added only two white guy shooters to the team.  With more building blocks coming in next year, of which PG Darius Morris from LA will be the key, this team should make the NCAA tournament.  Of course, this assumes that Manny makes no more elbow-fucking jokes towards JB's wife. 

NRTTS

Coach Deuce