Another list!

So I was watching NBA TV tonight (a gem of a show, featuring Gary Payton and Chris Webber practically uncensored) and I got to thinking.  Chris Webber seems like a dude that has boned a ton (2000 lbs. worth) of random groupie ass in his lifetime.  Do not ask me what brought this thought on.  Maybe it is his cool, collective (but in an asshole kinda way) demeanor that leads me to believe that he has hooked up with some skank and then never called her again.  The comical part is the theoretical meeting they have when C-Webb comes back to that city and has two new skanks at his side.  So this creepy thought led me to another and then another.  It then spawned an idea for a new post.  So here is ...

THE TOP 5 SPORTS MOVIE CHARACTERS WHO ARE MOST LIKELY TO BANG YOU AND THEN NEVER CALL YOU AGAIN

I know, the title needs work, but it will do for now.  So you have seen these characters in your favorite movies.  You may not have noticed it at first, but from now on you will look at these characters in a new light.  A light that now features humping and dumping some randoms.  From five to one, the list starts with ...

5. Charlie Tweeder - WR - Varsity Blues

Tweeder was the star wide receiver for Bud Kilmer's squad.  In his spare time, he was seen hijacking police cars naked and partying too hard at a strip club.  A polished route runner, Tweeder was also no doubt polished in the art of the "Walk of Shame".  Many coeds walked home from Tweeder's crib in their soiled clothes, hoping for a call back (but knowing deep down it was not going to happen).  A self-admitted male slut, Tweeder might be best known for the all-time movie quote, "Bitches are all just panty droppers!"  Well said, Tweeder.  In the alternate universe in which you still exist in my mind, you have the "syph" and are in year two of your prison term for dropping a roofie in a skanks drink.

4. Junior Floyd - QB - Little Giants

Ok, before you get creeped out that there is an adolescent on the list just picture this.  Junior Floyd (now 18) finally gives The Icebox her chance with.  The night is everything she expected, and the magic happens.  The next day ... BAM!  Junior ditches The Icebox after she makes him breakfast (eggs, bacon, and wheat toast).  Can you say sequel?  Little Giants 2: Junior's Coming Out Party.  The tagline: Junior - "Hey baby, wanna see the little giant in my pants?"  Straight pimpin, that kid is definitely pulling some ass.  After re-reading that paragraph, it is still as weird as it sounds.  Nonetheless, what is written cannot be erased.  Junior Floyd is a player-legend in the making.

3.  Gordon Bombay - Head Coach - The Mighty Ducks

Like you can't see Bombay drowning his sorrows at some dive bar, telling anyone who will listen about how he got screwed out of his chance at the NHL.  Now he is stuck coaching pee-wee hockey in Minnesota, where it's so cold that Brazilian waxes could lead to frostbite.  He no doubt spies some skanky looking Minnesotan (Minnesotite? Minnesotian?) that is looking for love in all the wrong place.  Bombay spits his game, talking about how he is holding this rag tag group of kids together, and how if they stick together and work hard they might just do something with their lives (because of his leadership, of course).  He then goes into all his dreams, and how he is not going to be in Minnesota forever.  The girl believes every word, and another notch on the Bombay Belt is completed.  She is ejected from his house sooner than she can say "Quack Quack Quack Mr. Ducksworth."

2. Apollo Creed - Heavyweight Champion - Rocky

The "Master of Disaster" is not nicknamed that because of the damage he inflicts on his opponents in the ring.  It is because of the hearts he breaks after he bangs girl after girl that want to get with the Champ.  I can picture him peeking over and giving a "You are still here?" glance.  "The King of Sting" can really only mean one thing and it has nothing to do with boxing.   And let us not forget my favorite nickname, "The Count of Monte Fisto", which shows how Apollo got down in the bedroom.  The skanks that he banged probably didn't even want a call back after Apollo wrecked them.  It did not matter if they wanted it or not.  Apollo didn't look for groupies; they looked for him.  Ivan Draggo not only killed Apollo, he killed the dreams of millions of girl around the world that wanted to be "the girl" for one night only.

1. Jake Taylor - Catcher - Major League

Legendary for his sexual exploits in the glory days of his playing career, Taylor finally settles down at the end of the movie.  I don't buy it.  The reason Lynn had a limited part in Major League II was because her and Jake were always fighting about the late nights he was pulling after the games.  That bullpen car was being used to chase after a lot more skirts than just Lynn.  Taylor has the charm to get the girls to trust them, but once he gets what he wants it is over.  The only thing that can stop Jake from running up his total is Jake himself.  His creaky old knees limit his performance, and he is often seen icing himself down.  But like any true gamer, he guts it through and gives the skanks what they want.  A piece of run down catcher meat that will never, ever call them again.  And if you think he is lying, he has one quote for you.  "I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff em' down your fuckin' throat."

That is the list.  Hope you enjoyed and don't take it too seriously (if you are a new reader).  When you see these icons in their respective movies, just imagine the persona that is trying to creep out of them.  

Until next time, NRTTS.

Coach Deuce