UFL?

They are who we thought they were! Wait..who were they again? Orlando?! Where the hell am I?!

The UFL (United Football League) recently announced the signing of a pretty formidable group of coaches for their inaugural season.  Ex NFL Head Coaches Denny Green (Minnesota, Arizona), Jim Haslett (New Orleans, St. Louis), and Jim Fassel (New York Giants) were signed by the fledgling football league.  Along with that trio, long time NFL defensive coordinator Ted Cottrell was announced as the coach for the New York franchise.  Along with the New York team, San Francisco, Las Vegas, and Orlando were announced as team sites. 

This isn't the first time someone has tried to take on the NFL.  First, it was the AFL.  That ended with a merger, which gave us the modern day NFL as we know it.  Others included the USFL, the CFL, the Arena Football League, and my favorite, the XFL.  

Ah...the XFL.  One of my favorite failed attempts at an alternative sports league.  It had everything a fan could possibly want.  Mediocre college quarterbacks barely holding on to a practice squad spot in the NFL? (Tommy Maddux, Jim Drunkenmiller, Casey Weldon, Jeff Brohm) Check.  Outlandish nicknames on the backs of jerseys? (He Hate Me aka Rod Smart) Check.  *Sidenote* The best part of the He Hate Me phenomenon was the feud that resulted with two members of the rival Los Angeles Xtreme players.  One donned "I Hate He" while the other donned "I Hate He Too".  Vince McMahon, gotta love him. *Sidenote over*  Former Heisman Trophy Winners? (Rashaan Salaam) Check.  Crazy rules that were over hyped? (No fair catches - yet, there was a 5 yard halo rule, no extra points - teams instead went for two, only it counted for one point...later in the year a rule was amended that allowed teams to move the ball back for a two or three point conversion after a touchdown) Check.  First class announcers? (Matt Vasgersian, Good Ole' Jim Ross, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Mike Adamle of American Gladiator fame, Dick Butkus of Hang Time fame) Check.

My favorite rule change of all time needs to make a comeback.  I'm talking about the coin toss.  

This of course is in no way, shape, or form a coin toss.  Instead, the XFL featured two players lined up side by side at the 30 yard line.  On the logo at the 50 yard line was the official XFL game ball for the night.  On the whistle, the two players raced - no holds barred - to gain possession of the ball.  Winner gets the right to choose to kick, receive, or defend a goal.  Could you imagine if this happened in the NFL?  I'm salivating at the thought of a Brandon Jacobs-Patrick Willis match up.  Or how about Ed Reed-Troy Polamalu?  Peyton-Eli, anyone?  Imagine the cat fight that would result from that one!  That would make a fight between Lloyd from Entourage and David Spade seem masculine.  Imagine the David vs. Goliath match ups... Darren Sproles vs. Julius Peppers, MoJo Drew vs. Albert Haynesworth etc.  Out of everyone in the league, the marquee match up in my mind would have to be Steve Smith vs Ken Lucas Round 2.  These guys were taking swings at each other as teammates last year.  Smith was suspended for the beginning of the season because of a training camp fight that resulted in Lucas' nose being broken.  If these guys got together as opponents, then anything short of assault with a deadly weapon would be a disappointment.

To spice this up, I would suggest the following.  Each team would have a pool of 5 players from which a random drawing would occur before the game.  The team would get to pick it's top four players, with the opposing team  picking the fifth (punter, kicker and long snapper excluded).  Theoretically, the opposition would pick the weakest player on each team.  But imagine the mind games that could be played if the team chose a 'soft player' to try to get into his head.  (Reggie Bush, anyone?)  This could open a whole new batch of trash talking that hasn't been seen since the movie Baseketball came out.  

Of course this idea turned out to be a big failure, much like the entire XFL as a whole.  In the very first "coin toss," Orlando S Hassan Shamsid-Deen separated his shoulder, placing him out for the year.  Ooops. 

So the UFL has some pretty big shoes to fill.  If history is any indication, this league will fold just like every other "competitor" that has tried to take on the NFL.  The reality is that America already has two major football leagues: the NFL and the NCAA.  A minor league is high school football.  There really is no more room for another competitor in this market.  Someday, the businessmen that keep trying to do this will learn you cannot present a product full of 3rd string WR's from Colorado State and call it professional football.  

That is, unless you make some asinine rule changes and present yourself as revolutionary.

That's all for tonight, NRTTS.

Coach Deuce