Beer League Softball Part II

I'm back with the rest of the roster for the most prestigious team assembled since the Graytown All Stars in the Bowling Green Little League Tournament when I was 9 years old.  Not much response to the first post, and to that I give a hearty "Ah, why don't ya' blow me reader" Rick Vaughn-style.  I will start with the outfield today, and it all begins with ...

Grady Sizemore - Center Field - Cleveland Indians

If there is ever a guy who would epitomize Baseball Player Living His Dreams Through Softball, it would be Grady.  I could just see him running out and buying all the top of the line accessories, right down to the Easton Beer Cousy and batting shin guard.  He would play a mean center field, which would make up for our lack of mobility in the corner outfield positions (more on them later).  His only downfall would be his lack of drinking and fighting skills.  However, a team needs at least one pansy that can play and try to talk his other teammates out of fighting.  "Come on guys, lets just have a good time out here and all go to The Pump after the game."  Or something like that ... Welcome aboard, Grady.

Trot Nixon - Right Field - Milwaukee Brewers

During the years 1999-2006, nobody in the big leagues showered less than Trot Nixon.  Some of this may have been attributed to having to share a shower with Nomar Garciaparra in the early years (who knows what goes on with him), and Curt Schilling in the late years (the uber muffin top).  If I had to cope with that situation, I may go years without a shower myself.  Anyways, Nixon's dirtiness places him at the top of the list for outfielders.  If you throw in his penchant for causing fights, his party hard attitude, and his awesome first name, he is almost as much of a shoe in for this roster as Adam Dunn.  He may not give us much in the field, but I'll be damned if he isn't going to make some drunken dives that will cause a few laughs.  

Matt Stairs - Left Field (ish) - Philadelphia Phillies

Every team has a Matt Stairs-type on their team.  Stairs is way past his prime.  Yet every year he finds his way onto a big league roster because 1) He won't give up 2) He is experienced and 3) He can still hit.  Stairs is the guy that used to be really good, but now has some bad knees and can't really do much.  Still, nobody has the guts to tell him he can't play in the field anymore because they know he will throw down at the drop of a Molson Ice (he is Canadian, after all).  Stairs probably needs a pinch runner after every single that rolls to the fence, but if he has runners on base you can count on him to put it over the right field fence.  Stairs is the captain of this team, and he can have his position as long as he wants.  

Shelley Duncan - Utility - New York Yankees

Shelley Duncan has one purpose on this team.  To sprint out on the field and kick any ass that is moving.  He is the Bob Probert or Ty Domi for us, ready to jump anybody for the slightest offense.  He will rarely get to play, only seeing action when one of the regulars is too drunk to jog out to their spot.  Duncan keeps the scorebook on the sideline, calls out the batting order Cindy Hemminger-style, and is in charge of keeping the cooler full for the regulars.  His role is as important as anyone on the field, and Duncan fits it perfectly.

Mike Scioscia - Manager - Los Angeles Angels

The prototypical former-catcher-turned-manager, Scioscia is a definite leader of men.  He knows what these guys go through on a day in and day out basis, and can relate to all of their problems.  Scioscia can also hold his own in all of the dugout shenanigans, keeping up beer-for-beer with the heaviest drinkers on the team.  If needed, I think he could probably throw down and whoop some ass in the parking lot.  If I could see Ozzie Guillen actually playing beer league softball, he would be the perfect choice, but I just don't see that happening.  Scioscia makes a suitable alternative.

That does it for the team, in case you needed reminding the lineup goes like this.

1) Grady Sizemore - CF

2) Brian Roberts - 2b

3) Brian McCann - C

4) Adam Dunn - 1b

5) Kevin Youkilis - 3b

6) Matt Stairs - LF

7) Stephen Drew - SS

8) Trot Nixon - RF

9) Jaime Moyer - P

Utility - Shelley Duncan

Manager - Mike Scioscia 

That concludes the roster, comment on it if you so choose, and never run the toss sweep!

Coach Deuce