It's In The Game

Some believe they come in the middle of June, but its obvious, we're in the dog days of sports. Sure there's some stories in baseball, but it doesn't really become relevant until at least July. While the NHL and NBA playoffs trudge on being watchable we don't get to see a championship until June. So with help from EA we make it happen on our own. Video games have been our solace from the real world where our teams are bad, our seasons over, or we need the power trip that only running a front office can bring. There's some good ones and some bad ones, the ones you play til 3 in the morning, and the ones you still would. I'm feeling old school, when video games were just a season, a playoff, and a trophy. So you won't see Franchise Mode, Minor Leagues, or all that other great but complicated stuff.

#5 Super Baseball 2020

You won't find a more interesting game of baseball on any system. If they made it for the PS3 I'd prepay and be waiting in line for a midnight release at Gamestop. This was baseball juiced up...no, not like that. Down 0-2 with runners on the Tropical Girls use their money earned the last inning to upgrade the Debbie's power. Hoping to bomb one out to the Home Run zone in deep center field out of the reach of the Centerfielder's jetpack. But the Metal Slashers bring in their closer R-11 to shut her down. Yup, Men, Women, and Robots...that's how Bud Selig gets back in the drivers seat of American Sport.

#4 NHL '94

It didn't get any prettier than the "Patented Move" perfected by Pavel Bure. EA never turned back after 94 and soon became the juggernaut that it currently is. The NHL was great during the mid 90s, and it transferred well to the virtual ice. The checking was fierce, the injuries were there, and when you got through it all you got to skate around the ice with The Cup hoisted above your head. If you never got torched by Stefan Diehm and the patented move, you missed perfection. When Pavel would rush up ice, hit the faceoff dot and turn 90 degrees, you new it was over. He'd cross the ice, and you're goalie, inexplicably small compared to the net, would inevitably be out of position. Hats would hit the ice every time, so if you weren't ready to put up six goals, you weren't going to make it. Classic.


#3 NBA Jam

THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN!!! Dunking, shooting from the perimeter, and hardcore defense. Was there anything better than hearing "He's ON FIRE!!" then you knew no one could stop that three from half court. Knocking your man down, streaking down the court and jumping out of the gym to slam it down was common, and what made this game so great. There was no reason to play the CPU, because it just couldn't hang with you...BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!




#2b Mutant League Football #2a Jerry Glanville's Pigskin Footbrawl

It was either one, depending on which was available at Movie Mann...If you wanted off brand football you couldn't beat these two. Mutant League basically let you play a violent version of the game. The differences were falling through holes in space, and that damn Jaywalking penalty. I'm still not sure how you get called for Jaywalking on a field, but i took my five yards. Footbrawl was one of those things as an adult I wonder why Jerry Glanville would put his name on it, it was pretty awful. You wandered a field or a dungeon, laced with object to run into and knives, hammers, and other foreign objects. Play didn't stop until someone scored, so it was kind of a rugby version of football. Nothing better than grabbing a knife and meeting the ball carrier for a scrum ending in his death. Literally....He was dead. It was football at OZ...after a few shanks you got the chant for TROLL TROLL TROLL. The troll was a mercenary with a stiff arm stronger than Heisman himself. I miss this one....


#1 Bill Walsh College Football

This one takes the cake. When I think of my youth wasted playing video games, I think of nights spent up til 5 AM playing Bill Walsh at the Diehm household. Penn State was College Station and Ohio State was Columbus, simple times...There wasn't anything to dislike about BWCF except another fateful night in my video gaming career I will never forget. We played an entire season as the Wolverines, posted an undefeated record and were playing Columbus in the Rose Bowl. Surely heading for a National Title with minutes left in the game we were flying high. But then Columbus drops back throws a bomb, it bounces off my hands Stefan's helmet and into the waiting arms of Columbus...we lose the game, the title, and 7 hours of our lives.

Ron Barr must have made a killing in
the 90s, he was in everything.

Note: I realized afterward I mixed up 3 and 4. But with the pain in the ass that is blogger posting you'll just have to deal with it.

Let The Gate Swing Freely

Draft Grades

Greetings to all six of you still reading this blog. Just wanted to start by saying that we have gone past the 3000 hit mark, something that I figured would not happen until I reached the 3000 post mark. This is growing pretty nicely, and with the addition of a few guest bloggers I think that we could have a nice sports community going here. Enough with the preliminaries, onto what you really came for!

I can tell you all you need to know about the 2009 NFL Draft.

NOBODY KNOWS A DAMN THING YET!

Sure, people have some educated guesses about how each team did, but until we see these guys go through mini camp, preseason, and regular season grind that is the NFL, we will not know how each team comes out. Still, it is always fun to guess about these things and it is my duty to tell you the winners and losers of this years draft.

Winners:

• New York Giants - Yes, you can call me a homer. I never thought I'd like the Giants draft class if they did not get either Braylon Edwards or Anquan Boldin, but as I sit here typing this I can't help but think that GM Jerry Reese has pulled off another draft that will give the Giants outstanding depth. One thing is clear, the Giants did not draft a player that will come in from day one and start. However, when you can plug Hakeem Nicks (1st round, North Carolina) and Ramses Barden (3rd round, Cal-Poly) into a receiving corps that already features some great young talent (Steve Smith, Dominik Hixon, Mario Manningham, Sinorice Moss), then I think you can get some serious production. Barden has the potential to be a Brandon Jacobs type pick for the Giants - big time NFL body (6'6", 220 lbs) that needs seasoning in order to become a top pro. ILB Clint Sintim (2nd round, Virginia) started 48 games at Virginia, and gives the Giants some quality depth at the LB position. TE Travis Beckum (Wisconsin, 4th round) gives the Giants the opportunity to create some huge match up problems in the red zone. Beckum was outstanding in his junior year, but was slowed by injuries his senior year. With Nicks, Barden, and Beckum, the Giants give themselves plenty of options to try and replace the production that Plaxico Burress and Amani Toomer brought to the table.


• Philadelphia Eagles - I really, really liked the Eagles draft. For starters, they brought in Jason Peters from Buffalo to help solidify the offensive line, and then brought in Ellis Hobbs from the Patriots to help solidify the secondary. That is two players right there that we know can play and succeed in the league. On top of that, they got WR Jeremy Maclin and RB Lesean McCoy in the 1st and 2nd rounds. Maclin is the type of guy that can thrive in Andy Reid's pass happy offense. He may be a little small for the prototypical #1 receiver role in the NFL, but we all saw how well Desean Jackson (5'1o", 165) played in Andy Reid's system last year. Maclin also brings great versatility in that he is an elite return man, giving the Eagles another option to bolster their special teams. McCoy has breakaway speed and can really compliment what Brian Westbrook brings to the offense. Make no mistake, Westbrook is still the man that makes the Eagles offense go. However, if he goes down to an injury (which he usually does), then McCoy can step in and do a more than serviceable job. The NFC East just got a whole lot tougher.


• Cincinnati Bengals - I can't really remember the last time the Bengals had a good draft. However, I think they did just that this year. Passing over Eugene Monroe for Andre Smith in the first round is a little questionable, but you cannot argue with the production that Smith brought while on the field at Alabama. For the Bengals sake, I pray that their M.O. of being a "thug convention" doesn't bring Smith down. If you remember, Smith was the clear cut choice for the #1 pick when the first mock drafts started pouring out during the bowl season. A few hiccups later, he found himself sliding down the draft boards. If he keeps his head on straight, I think Smith could be plugged in at RT for the Bengals for a good ten years. The next three picks are the ones that I think make the Bengals draft an elite one. In rounds 2, 3, and 4 they got LB Rey Maualuga, DE Michael Johnson, and TE Chase Coffman, respectively. Starting with Maualuga, I think this will be the steal of the draft. As Round 1 got later and later, I kept screaming at teams to take Maualuga! Simply put, I think he is going to be a leader in the middle for the Bengals for as long as he stays healthy. The Lions had the perfect opportunity to draft a face for their defense with Maualuga at #33, but chose the S out of Western Michigan instead. Big mistake. I just don't get the scouts evaluation of him. All the guy does is make play in big games (as any Michigan or Ohio State fan can attest to). Getting Michael Johnson in the third round is also a steal. There is no prospect out there as physically gifted as Johnson. He reminds me of Julius Peppers in the way that he can hunt down quarterbacks and run down running backs, all while having the versatility to drop back into coverage. There is some issues of consistency, but I think with the right coaching he could be a Pro Bowl type DE. Don't believe me? Check out this pick-6 against The U this past year. Scary. TE Chase Coffman is a reliable receiving target that will add another weapon for a healthy Carson Palmer to go to. Coffman slid on most draft boards after an injury late in his senior year. If he stays healthy, then he can be a very productive third down receiver for Cincinatti.

Losers:

• Oakland Raiders - Okay, this one is pretty obvious.  We all knew Al Davis had officially lost his mind about three years ago when he hired a college offensive coordinator to be his head coach, but he just keeps cementing that fact with his decisions.  Taking Darius Heyward Bey in the first round would have been fine had they been picking at 28 and not 8.  As it is, Michael Crabtree was still there and he is universally regarded as the better prospect than DHB.  However, Davis loves his speed guys and apparently he is looking for the next James Jett, not the next Larry Fitzgerald.  To top it off, the Raiders took S Michael Mitchell out of Ohio in the second round.  Mitchell was such a good prospect that most teams had him at a free agent grade, and there was not even any film available on him for Mel Kiper to break down.  At this point, it's like the Raiders are trying to get people to talk about how bad they are.  
• Indianapolis Colts - It's not that the Colts had such a terrible draft.  I just didn't like the direction they were going.  Their choice of RB Donald Brown in the first round was questionable to me.  Either Joseph Addai's injuries are not healing well, or they have plans to significantly downgrade his role.  Addai is the perfect back for Peyton Manning; he blocks, catches the ball well, and is very smart.  I'm not sure a rookie running back can come in and make the impact that the Colts think Brown can do.  There second round pick was an alright pick.  DT Fili Moala was on the loaded USC defense.  Real quick, when was the last time USC had a really good defensive lineman produce in the NFL?  DT's Mike Patterson and Shaun Cody have been busts, and some of their DE's have floundered on some practice squads.  None of their other picks jump off the page, so at this point I have their draft rated as one of the worst.  
• Dallas Cowboys - The Cowboys draft was basically WR Roy Williams from the Lions and a bunch of linebackers that will play special teams.  Because of the Williams trade, they didn't have a pick until the third round, where they took LB Jason Williams (Another Jason Williams?  How many of them are there in sports?  Has there ever been another name that has brought so much controversy to the sports world? Jayson made headlines by being suicidal over the weekend) out of Western Illinois.  They followed that up with 2 more linebackers and QB Stephen McGee from Texas A&M.  Jerry Jones is coming dangerously close to Al Davis territory.  I think he has grossly overestimated his roster, and they have taken a step behind the Eagles in the NFC East.  Tony Romo will undoubtedly go down with an injury at some point again this season, and their season will go down the tubes again. 
  

Other thoughts on the draft

• I thought ESPN's broadcast left a little to be desired.  Having Steve Young on the main set brought that crew down every second that he was on screen stuttering through what he was trying to say.  Keyshawn still needs some seasoning in the Michael Irvin role, and Mel Kiper has his haters.  Berman was solid like always, and I think it would have been 100x better if Tom Jackson and Ron Jaworski had been in place of Young and Key.  
• Did anyone catch the awkward interview between Erin Andrews/Texas WR Quan Cosby/Bill Cosby?  I'm not sure what place this had on the second day broadcast, but with each round it got increasingly more awkward.  At one point, Bill (who is no relation to Quan) had on a Temple football helmet during the interview while someone from Mississippi called Quan and HE ANSWERED IT WHILE ON TV!  Erin Andrews couldn't have looked more terrified if she was locked in a room naked with Travis Henry and Shawn Kemp.  
• Had to laugh out loud at the thought of some analysts having Brian Hoyer as the fourth best quarterback in this draft.  ESPN spotlighted him for their second day coverage, and much like Cosby, Hoyer ended up an undrafted free agent.  Anyone who watched more than two Michigan State games knew that Hoyer was a mediocre college quarterback, let alone a mediocre NFL practice squad quarterback.  
• I didn't really have a problem with the Browns draft.  C Alex Mack definitely is not the sexy pick, but he should supplant Hank Frahley for the starting center spot.  I really think the success of their draft will hinge on whether S Abram Elam can be an above average starter at one of the safety spots.  Losing Sean Jones really hurt that defense, and Elam should be able to step in and produce more than anyone from the draft could.  Out of Robiskie and Massaquoi, one of them should turn into a solid WR.  Maiava was the forgotten USC linebacker, and he will at least be solid on special teams.  The most intriguing prospect was Clemson RB James Davis late.  It is no secret that the Browns need depth at RB, and Davis could provide a solid alternative to Old Jamal Lewis.  
• The Steelers once again had a not-so-sexy but very smart draft.  DT Ziggy Hood will turn into a solid player for them and could replace Casey Hampton once he eventually moves on.  G Kraig Urbik from Wisconsin is a typical Pittsburgh OLineman, but I thought they could have used at least one more high round pick on an OLer.  AQ Shipley could be a decent backup, but nothing more.  If there was one weakness on last years team, it was definitely the OLine, and I don't really think they have upgraded it.

Here is part of the Cosby/Cosby/Andrews gem for those of you interested.

As always, NRTTS

Coach Deuce

Draft Deadlines

We're all pretty certain here at NRTTS that Coach will come through with a very in depth report on the draft that will rival Mel Kiper...without the douchery of course. Mel Kiper: Draft Expert, how do you make six figures just pulling shit out of your ass for 3 months a year? Kiper's another story for another day so lets get the real stories of the NFL draft.

There are no real stories. This a selection of players who for the most part will not be worth a damn in 4 years. There's no bones about it the NFL is based on stars, and this draft didn't have any. We didn't have a Heisman Trophy winner, a National Champion QB, nobody except two overly hyped QBs who would've been 3rd rounders 10 years ago and a few RBs who will be in the same sentence as Tim Biakabutuka and Rashaan Salaam. Who? Which leads to another post for another day: Where the hell did college football players go? Are we getting more and more mediocre talent? Where the hell did the prototype players go?

"But Gate, the Draft is about hope!" Get out of here, the Browns, Lions, Raiders, and Bengals did not launch themselves into upcoming Super Bowl dynasties over the weekend. These teams could have had 30 picks and wouldn't have found the guys to make anything happen. Teams are built on savy veterans, ask the Patriots, sure they got LUCKY with Brady, (Damn, this entire post is just loaded with extra posts for another day: Remember Henson for Heisman?), but they don't continue the dominance we've witnessed for virtually a decade without free agency.

"Alright, if its not about hope, its about hype, who's going #1??" Really? How many times have we wondered this on Saturday morning? I can't remember the last time, partially because I don't care enough about it to remember, (similar to who won the NCAA tournament a month ago, takes me five minutes for it to come to me), that we actually didn't know. And when we found out this year it was the most rediculous yet. The Detroit Lions sign Matt Stafford to a deal worth $42 Million in gauranteed money. Thats 8 digits for a guy with questionable decision making skills, no National Titles, no conference titles, and no Heisman. Somebody is paying an employee 8 figures for a trophy cabinet thats biggest mark is a 2009 CapitalOne Bowl MVP. After football he can make twice as much teaching people how to either interview that well, or offering an oral sex clinic.

Most of all the draft feels just like its replication in any of the MADDEN series. You and a bunch of buddies all decide at 9 o'clock one night "Aw I know what we can do, we'll all draft a team and go head to head in a season." Well by the time you hit round 4 its 1 AM and you hit the "simulate remaining picks" and realize "Fuck, now we've got a five game schedule and tournament to play and half of us are asleep, Gate you lost your first game and now we're gonna change the format to sudden death...your death counts though." I'm looking at you Stefan, and Andy, and any of you sons of bitches that were there to participate in the holocaust of my PS2 memories.

While the last paragraph has a large effect on my feelings of the draft there's no real anamosity between myself and the draft. As a sports fan I can see the diehards really following this, but really there's no good reason for me to spend my entire weekend, especially Sunday, watching ESPN tell me why the Titans are trying to figure out if Joel Iwanaga's 40 time is more important than Buzz Featherington's vertical jump.


Thoughts and Musings

• Is there any reason that the Cincinnati Bengals keep drafting Michigan's shitty CBs? I mean really Leon Hall was a trip, but now Morgan Trent? Get used to this picture Bengal Fans, you'll see it weekly.




• I'm also not too thrilled to see only 2 Michigan guys taken in this draft, not suprised, just not thrilled. I'm looking at you Richard.


• Chris Wells (drop the Beanie now, you're a grown ass man) should work out well with the Cardinals, he's the back the Edge was supposed to be.


• I hate Mel Kiper. Doesn't it just piss you off looking at him?

Let the Gate Swing Freely, and with a high Wonderlic Score

Pick Up Guy

A Jim Rome classic.  Insert your own Oak Harbor Old Man's League player into each category.

Probably no post tomorrow due to the NFL Draft, but I'll be back Sunday night with a full rundown of the winners and losers of the draft.

NRTTS

Coach Deuce

National "The Wrestler" Day (A Day Late)

Alright people. No excuses now. On Tuesday (the day this post was meant to go up), the critically acclaimed movie The Wrestler was released to the masses on DVD and Blu-Ray. If you haven't seen this movie yet, stop reading this damn blog post and go to your local Blockbuster and rent the damn thing. If for some reason you do not like good movies, do it for no other reason than to see former WCW *ahem* legend Ernest "The Cat" Miller as an evil Iranian. He's a baaaaaad man! Somebody call his mama!

The NFL Draft is drawing nearer and nearer, and the anticipation of the day that Braylon Comes Home is reaching it's boiling point. I hope the Giants really fleece the Browns on this one, with a Belicheck-to-Pioli type deal. I like nothing more than to see long suffering Cleveland fans bitch and moan about how they got screwed again. Big Daddy D had it right when he pulled the ultimate swerve and turned his back on the Dawg Pound and joined Steeler Nation. A swerve that big hasn't been unleashed since Hulk Hogan turned his back on WCW and joined the NWO.

For those interested, I am now trying my hand at ESPN.com's Streak For The Cash. For anyone unaware, you can make a series of picks during each sports day (ex: Deron Williams pts + asst vs. Pau Gasol pts + reb) and if your streak of correct victories goes long enough (20, I believe) than you win some cash. My early downfall has come at the hands of the Boston Marathon (who in there right mind would pick an American over a Kenyan?) and English soccer. I think I'll stick to the sports I know, and when I win the $10k, I'll be sure to give everyone who comments a dollar.

If you would like to join me in my quest for cash, sign up and we can get a little friendly competition going here.

Never Run The Toss Sweep

Coach Deuce

Some Ernest Miller for fun

Top Sports Trophies and LA Wants Tacos!

What is in a trophy?  What makes professional athletes bust their tails 364 days a year to savor in the one moment when they receive that illustrious trophy that they have worked so hard for?  There are certain trophies in American sports lore that go above and beyond the prestige afforded to any normal championship.  Some men would give testiculars for the chance to hold up, wear, or drink out of these trophies while other men are frowned upon and their legacies tarnished because they never won them.  The bottom line is that an event can go from important to legendary with the addition of a meaningful prize.  So without further ado, I give you the top 5 sports trophies of all time.  

5. Heisman Trophy - College Football

The race for the Heisman Trophy has become a little ridiculous.  We are forced to listen to every ESPN college football analyst break down the Heisman Trophy race from the first to the last week of the season.  Nonetheless, there is no trophy as recognizable as the one given to the most outstanding player in college football.  Players have made a living on being the recipient of this trophy alone.  Hell, Desmond Howard is still hounded by people asking him to emulate his famous pose that he broke out against Ohio State.  During the 2009 Michigan Spring Game, Desmond walked across the north end zone and was promptly bombarded by each passing section with chants of "Do the pose! Do the pose!"  When he was introduced to the whole stadium, the chant could be heard from all sections.  The only thing holding this trophy back from being higher is how commercialized the whole process has gotten.  Also, the award has gone from being Most Outstanding Player to Most Outstanding QB on a BCS Team.

Most Famous Recipient: Desmond Howard, Michigan.  

Most Famous Non-Recipient: Peyton Manning, Tennessee

4. Stanley Cup Championship - NHL 

The Stanley Cup is nearly as recognizable as the Heisman Trophy.  In Canada and some of the bigger U.S. hockey cities (Detroit, Boston), the Stanley Cup may be as important as any trophy in the world.  There is something special about a bunch of rugged hockey players with full playoff beards passing around a huge trophy, taking turns drinking their preferred alcoholic beverage out of the biggest wide-mouthed can in the universe.  The fact that each player gets to take The Cup (or a replica) to any destination they wish adds something unique to this trophy.  I could only imagine a famous hockey player taking the Cup back to his hometown in Canada.  The heroes reception would be out of this world.  

Most Famous Recipient: Ray Bourque

Most Famous Non-Recipient: Marcel Dionne

3. Super Bowl Ring - NFL

It is only fitting that the biggest sport in the USA would have an entry on this list.  While some people might point to the Vince Lombardi Trophy as the one that players strive after, I would go with the Super Bowl ring.  The Lombardi Trophy just does not have the visibility that the ring does.  Some players have multiple rings, and they make sure to wear each and every one of them.  There is something special about the grueling NFL season, culminated with a sudden death playoff.  One bad game can break your season faster Willis McGahee's leg in the 2002 Fiesta Bowl.  There is no other sport out there like it.  Every major sport in America employs the series format, while the NFL is alone in the "play well or die" format.  There is something unique and special about the over sized ring on the giant hand of an offensive lineman.

Most Famous Recipient: Joe Montana

Most Famous Non-Recipient: Dan Marino

2. Green Jacket - The Masters - Golf

The golf world can thank Tiger Woods for this one.  With Tiger storming onto the scene, golf has grown by leaps and bounds in the mainstream public eye.  No tournament had more to do with this than The Masters.  It was here that Tiger first exerted his dominance on the rest of the field, showing everyone that he was a force to be reckoned with.  While Tiger made it famous, many other names laid the groundwork and tradition for this trophy.  Names like Bobby Jones, Ben Hogan, Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer, and Ben Crenshaw paved the way for Tiger to take this one into the stratosphere.  

Most Famous Recipient: Tiger Woods

Most Famous Non-Recipient: Greg Norman

1. WWF Championship - Professional Wrestling

Call me a wrestling elite, but I think there is no bigger feat than saying you were the WWF Heavyweight Champion.  Guys like Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and The Rock made wearing this belt seem like the biggest thing ever.  Now with the brand split and subsequent two world champions, the value of this has gone down a little bit.  That does not take away the legacy that was built when the WWE was the WWF.  I would have given anything to have been announced as the "NEWWWWWWWWWWWW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION" by Howard Finkel.  There is also something special about wearing that belt around your waist as you come out to a huge ovation at the main event of Wrestlemania.  When you wear that belt around your waist, you know that you are the best in the world.  Unless you are Yokozuna.

Most Famous Recipient: Hulk Hogan

Most Famous Non-Recipient: Rowdy Roddy Piper

Any other additions? Feel free to chime in on the comments section.  The participation has been lackluster as of late.  As you know, participation makes a blog.

One other special shout out to the fans of the Los Angeles Lakers.  For anyone that didn't see, the Lakers fans went into a frenzy during Game One of their series versus the Utah Jazz.  It was not for a big Kobe Bryant dunk or a timely Trevor Ariza 3 pointer; instead, it was for tacos.  The Lakers had a promotion going that promised each fan some tacos if the Lakers held the Jazz under 100 points.  At 98 with under a minute to play,the fans took to chanting We Want Tacos as loud as they could.  Jeff Van Gundy was appalled at this, and did his best "Mr. Belding is disappointed in his students" speech.  I thought it was pretty funny, if a little stupid.  The whole thing isn't on YouTube (yet), but keep on the lookout for this as the NBA playoffs progress.  No word on whether the Lakers will give away some chimichangas to see how creative their fans can be with the chants.  

Never Run The Toss Sweep

Coach Deuce

Just Win, Baby!

Al Davis has the right idea.  

"Just win, baby!" has been his motto ever since he has been the principle owner of the Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders.  This motto has come into question lately, with guys like Andrew Walter under center and Jerry Porter going deep.  "The Big Spaz" Lane Kiffin had the most laughable NFL coaching run since Butch Davis coached the Browns.  And they also traded Randy Moss for a fourth round draft pick, thus uniting Brady and Moss while the entire AFC mailed a shit sandwich to Davis.  

So where am I going with all of this?

  

Surely you have heard the rumors by now.  Former Duke PG Greg Paulus has made his intentions known that he would like to pursue a football career, working out with the Green Bay Packers and visiting the campus of the ... *gulp* ... University of Michigan.  At first, my reaction went like this. 

OH  HELL NO!

As I thought about it though, I started to warm up to the idea.  I quickly remembered the quarterback situation behind adolescent freshman QB Tate Forcier at the Spring Game.  Another Big White Guy and a Walk On Presidential Candidate.  Out of high school, Paulus was a US Army All American Bowl participant at quarterback before he decided to enroll at Duke and pursue a basketball career.  He quickly realized he was just another white point guard that was destined to suck off the teet of Coach K on the bench (I'm looking at you, Steve Wojciechowski).  So when his eligibility at Duke ran out, he looked to explore other options.

As of right now, I put the odds of Paulus coming to UM as slightly less than 50%.  The preferred back-up QB transfer (and make no mistake, Paulus would be a back up), would be Forcier's brother and former Michigan QB Jason Forcier.  J-Force, stuck behind uber-recruit Ryan Mallet on the depth chart, transferred to Stanford to finish out his career.  After a year at Stanford, he has graduated and is now looking to enroll in a graduate program.  Lucky for us, Michigan  has not soured on him or his family (as evidenced by Tate) and he is seriously considering re-enrolling.  The only hurdle seems to be the NCAA clearing Forcier for his final year of eligibility.  

So with three open scholarships for the 2009 season, I hope Michigan takes BOTH of them.  For any Michigan fan that cannot look past Paulus' annoying Duke ways, I urge you to remember the 2008 football season.  The Toledo Game, the Northwestern Game, the Purdue Game where a converted running back beat us, and the Ohio State game.  Hell, remember every damn game that we played.  The quarterback's were AWFUL and they cost us any shot at having a decent year last year.  I will do ANYTHING to not have to go through that again; this list includes eating Chinese food and then having a pooping fast for a week, eating glass, drinking a bottle of Windex, and most definitely accepting Greg Paulus as a Michigan Wolverine.

Onto other news:

• The "Braylon to the Giants" rumors are hot again.  This has my woody at about 83%, and it will be Viagra-after-four-hours painful if the deal actually goes down.  From what I have read, it is pretty much "when" not "if" right now.  I have heard two different scenarios.  The first is a 1st and a 3rd for Edwards, and the second is a 2nd and 5th with Domenik Hixon for Edwards.  Either one would be acceptable to me.  Now that I have the idea of Braylon coming to NY, I MUST HAVE HIM!
• John Madden has retired from the NFL.  I wish him luck in his future, which will no doubt consist of inventing new bird combinations to eat (I'm thinking Eag-Owl-In, a combo of an eagle, owl, and robin).  Cris Collinsworth has been announced as his replacement, which is perfectly acceptable to me.  I continue to wait for a network exec to see the light on Brian Billick.  He is the next Madden, a coach turned star in the announcing booth.  He was pure money on the first edition of HBO's Hard Knocks, and with no team looking to hire an offensive guru that doesn't produce good offenses, it looks like he is stuck in the studio.
• Isiah has vowed that he will donate his first year's salary back to FIU.  This just confirms my initial reaction to this hiring; Isiah is paying FIU to let him coach.  There is no other explanation.
• Kevin Garnett seems to be out for the entire playoffs.  This makes the Cavs eventual choke in the conference finals that much sweeter.

Jackie Robinson = Real Baseball

April 15, 1947 Jack Roosevelt Robinson makes his debut for the Brooklyn Dodgers. While not the first pro baseball player of that "other" color, Jackie is the most known, he broke the color barrier. Today we celebrate Jackie Robinson Day. Jackie played the game with a passion and eventually won over the "mind" of Cletus from Alabama who came home from work, beat the wife, and decided "I'm gonna write that nigger Jackie Robinson a letter about how I will kill him if he keeps playing baseball."

The world was a different place in 1947, WWII was finished, and baseball truly was the "American Pastime". 1947 seems like ancient history, just ask a fan of the Chicago Cardinals who won the NFL championship at Comisky Park. Sidenote: 1947 was also the last time the University of Michigan got fucked out of a National Championship. (editors note: The Gate has clearly forgotten about 1997) (Writers note to editor: The Gate has not forgotten 1997 but bringing it up would add another entire paragraph to this and get me off topic)In 1947, I could have sat through nine innings on a nice day in the middle of May and given a shit. And I would've been one of the people at Ebbets Field yelling like an idiot about some "Negro" playing my game. Jackie was different though, he belonged out there, he was a guy who could play the game and loved doing it. It wasn't just Jackie, all of these guys loved the game of baseball and so did the people. Somewhere in the $250 Million contracts the game was lost in the last 60 years. Now baseball is a drawn out affair that lasts 3 hours 162 times a year. Call me in September.

The Evolution of the Slide

On a day celebrating one man, the game that created him should take note. There was a reason people gave a shit and still give a shit about one man. He opitimized the game as it was meant to be played. Baseball's hero's are all from the past; there's no Brett Favre to Johnny Unitas, no Kobe to Jerry West, and no Gretzky to Gordie Howe. Steroids have a play here, but baseball was long gone before Barry found the cream. Today baseball is on the backburner of American Sport; if there were anything besides soccer to realistically compete side by side baseball it would be in the same conversations as the XFL. People cared about Jackie, Maris and Mantle you want me to give a damn about this guy? Please, there's a reason Pacman doesn't get the NFLs backing.

This is America, Where The Gate is allowed to Swing Freely

Isiah

Really, Isiah?!

You were so desperate to get back into coaching that when the basketball powerhouse that is Florida International came calling, you just couldn't pass it up?  

Consider this.  Florida International has not had a winning season since 1999-2000, when they went a whopping 16-14.  I challenge anyone to name one person that has come out of Florida International in ANY SPORT, let alone just basketball.  Yet, Isiah feels this is a great opportunity to revive his career.  A career that saw him take one of the most prestigious positions in all of professional sports (head coach of the Knicks) and turn it into a laughingstock of the sports world.  A career that saw him disgrace an entire organization with a high profile sexual harassment suit.  A career that took him to get the dreaded job title of "consultant" and "scout".  Consultant my ass.  Donnie Walsh and Mike D'Antoni consulted with Isiah as much as I consult with Queen Elizabeth for pooping tips.  He left the Knicks in worse shape than Oliver Miller after he ate Robert Traylor for dinner.  Isiah couldn't get a job in the NBA or major college basketball unless he could give oral better than Jenna Jameson.  

And how about the athletic director meeting at FIU that brought up Isiah as a candidate?  Let's see...we could hire Assistant A from Central Florida, Assistant B from Florida A&M, former head coach C from South Florida, or there was that one guy who played with the Pistons...Terry Mills?  No he coached the Knicks...Isiah?  Yeah, let's see if he wants the job!  He does?! Great, what does he want for a salary?  A gift card to Red Lobster?!  Awesome, he is hired.

Sorry Zeke, but you have officially hit rock bottom.  Good luck when the FIU fans start the inevitable FireIsiahThomas.com site.  

Never Run The Toss Sweep

Coach Duece

Spring Game

The 2009 Michigan Spring Football Game is in the books, and it ended up being quite the event.  

The day started off after arriving in the Crisler Arena parking lot at about 7:45 a.m. to find a sizable line to take part in the locker room tours.  At about 8:20, we had finally made it to the front of the line, and eagerly went into the hallowed ground.  Once inside, we were bombarded by Picture Nazi's crowing out "1 or 2 pictures and move along".  The actual lockers were marked off movie theatre style, so it was impossible to sit in Nick Sheridan's locker (any Michigan fan's dream).  The tour ended up taking roughly 45-60 seconds, and felt more like a rushed walk through than anything else.  The real treat was to emerge out of the locker room to find that the line had grown through the parking lot and wrapped halfway around Michigan Stadium!  There had to be at least 20,000 people in line, and I hope every one of them was disappointed by their 60 second "tour".  

The gates opened to The Big House at about 9:30, so naturally everyone flooded in to get the best seats.  We were about 4 rows up in the North Endzone, about 20 feet to the right of the goalpost.  The highlight of the pre-pregame festivities happened while the kickers were warming up.  Walk on Scott Schrimshner shanked one wide of the net that nailed a fan right on top of the head, drawing "Oooooohs" from the 30,000 or so people that had already filed in.  

The Alumni Flag Football Game was a fun time-filler.  Some notable players were Anthony "A-Train" Thomas, Rick Leach (benched after a second-play interception), Ron Bellamy, Markus Curry, Guest Referee James Hall, Andy Migniery, and headliner Larry Foote.  The highlight had to be when Foote snuck on to the field (his contract with the Steelers prohibited full participation) and snatched a one handed interception out of the air ala Charles Woodson against Michigan State.  The whole game was a fun way to re-introduce some of the old guys to the crowd, even if it meant giving Michigan football color commentator Jim Brandstater a live mic for an hour.  This was a worse idea than giving a live mic to John Rocker at a GLAAD rally.  The whole event culminated with the entire alumni gathering at midfield with Rich Rod to sing The Victors with the crowd.  For any Michigan fan, this had to give you goosebumps, as there is nothing like singing the greatest fight song in college history in the greatest stadium in college history.   

The main course came next, as the crowd of now close to 50,000 erupted as each position group came out for warm-ups.  We got to witness the punt returners catching punts in our corner of the end zone.  The good news about this is that Greg Mathews is a pretty good dancer, as he got down to the nice mix of hip-hop tunes that was playing over the loud speakers.  The bad news is that Martavious Odoms still couldn't catch a punt if his life depended on it.  Captain Hook would have a better punt return rating than Odoms.  Let's hope that they find someone a little more reliable to return kicks.  

After warm-ups and a good stretch, the skill people did a little 7 on 7 work.  The defense was going about 65%, so the offense clearly got the better end of the deal here.  We got our first glimpse of QB Tate Forcier here, as he showed off a decent arm while completing pass after pass.  We also got our first glimpse of our terrible quarterback depth as Slowest White Guy Ever David Cone (not the pitcher) manned the second team, and future President walk on Jack Kennedy manned the third team.  Two words can describe these two quarterbacks: Steven Threet.  

Warm-ups complete, the team headed into the locker room for some last minute preparations or something.  In the meantime, a highlight tape of 2008 played, which featured all 8 of the positive plays that happened last year.  It served its purpose though as it killed about 5 minutes as we waited for the players to emerge from the tunnel.  As the anticipation grew, the Michigan Marching Band filed in to its roped off seating right next to the tunnel, and the day felt a little more like a Saturday game day.  A group of students raised the traditional M Club Banner, as the crowd buzzed.  Moments later, the 2009 version of the Michigan Wolverines roared out of the tunnel, serenaded by Hail To The Victors, something that always brings goosebumps to my skin. 

Now onto the scrimmage.  The term "Spring Game" is pretty loose here, as it was more of a controlled scrimmage.  The offense got points for things like first downs and not looking pathetic, while the defense got points for three and outs and such.  The 1st team O and D went against the 2nd team D and O, so we never got to see 1's versus 1's.  

The offense looked light years ahead of where it was last year, and this was mainly due to improved offensive line play and Tate Forcier.  The little freshman impressed me with his play making abilitiy, often scrambling out of the pocket and rushing or finding an open receiver for a first down.  He showed great accuracy on most of his throws, and he showed pretty decent arm strength, with the highlight being a long bomb that hit Roy Roundtree in stride for 6.  He also had his freshman moments, like when he threw the ball right to linebacker Brandon Herron, who acted like he had never seen a football thrown his way while it doinked off his hands.  Another play saw Tate scramble prematurely in the end zone, and he lost the ball for either a Defensive TD or Safety.  All in all, he was impressive in his first appearance at the Big House.  Some dynamics obviously helped his performance, as there were no 240 lb linebackers that could legally tear his head off, as the QB was off limits to contact.  

Other bright spots for the offense 

• The offensive line.  The first two units of offensive lineman looked like they could really be interchanged.  Each unit protected the quarterback fairly well, and created lanes for the running backs.
• Carlos Brown and Brandon Minor.  Minor got the start, but it was Brown who the crowd was really impressed with.  Breaking off big chunks of yardage, Brown capped his highlights by busting out an 80 yard touchdown run, showing off his game breaking speed.  If he can stay out of the training room, Carlos should see some serious carries in the fall.  Minor was his steady self, mixing his bruising style with surprising speed and agility.  He will be the workhorse, and the guy that will determine if this offense is good or not.  
• The slots.  Odoms, while not being able to catch a punt, looked good in the slot, catching a flurry of balls from Forcier.  His backups, Terrance Robinson and Roy Roundtree, also looked very impressive, with the aforementioned bomb to Roundtree being the highlight. 

The defense was a little different story.  Missing starters at DT (Mike Martin), LB (Jonas Mouton), and CB (Donovan Warren), the unit wasn't at full strength.  Still, the play was very inconsistent.  The optimist in me chalks this one up to the growing pains of implementing it's third defensive system in three years, along with missing three of it's top five players.  The pessimist in me saw many of the same players as last year making some of the same mistakes.  The one play that encapsulated the day involved Stevie Brown, any Michigan fan's worst nightmare.  David Cone rolled out on a play action bootleg, with Stevie in seemingly great position to stifle the play.  Cone, who has the agility of an elephant, pump faked a throw to toward the sideline that saw Stevie lose his jockstrap.  Cone proceeded to rumble about 50 yards before anyone caught up to him.  50,000 people collectively shot themselves in the face.  

This is not to say the defense did not have it's bright spots, as Brandon Graham dominated whenever he was in the game.  His signature play was blowing by RT Patrick Omameh to destroy RB Vincent Smith for a safety.  FS Michael Williams also looked very good against the run, delivering several big hits.  CB Boubacar Cissoko had the look of a fierce lock down cornerback.  Still, there is a lot of work to do for this unit if they want to consistently stop people in the Big Ten (or even the MAC).  

Walking out of the Big House, it felt like a good day.  Anytime you can watch football in April is a good day, but this one had a little something that made it feel extra special.  It felt like the next step toward Michigan becoming a dominant program again.  It washed the nasty semen/urine cocktail taste of last year out of my mouth, while delivering optimism about the upcoming year.  Still, some points leave me guarded about my expectations for the coming year.  At this point, the jury is still out on this team.  I will know more as I hear about how summer workouts progress, and then as fall practice progresses.  On this random Saturday though, Michigan football was back on top of the world.  There is only one reason for this.

They never once ran a toss sweep.

Coach Deuce