All Star Game Live Blog

NBA All-Star Weekend has always been my favorite of all the All-Star festivities that the big sports put on.  It has given us memorable moments such as Dwight Howard as Superman, Larry Bird kicking ass in the 3-point Shootout in his warm-ups, Brent Barry representing for all the white guys in the Dunk Contest, and Vince Carter putting on the mother of all Dunk Contest performances.  Also, it has given us a platform for Harold "Baby Jordan" Minor and Isaiah "JR" Ryder to become relevant enough that their failures become funny.

Unfortunately, it has given us some "stinker" moments such as Chris "Birdman" Anderson's performance in the Dunk Contest (worst ever), as well as what was the 2010 Slam Dunk Contest.  Shannon Brown came in with all the hype, and proceeded to do a right-to-left hand dunk and a generic alley-oop that could be put to shame in an inner-city Rec Center.  Highlight of the night: during the award ceremony for the Dunk Contest, Charles Barkley says loud enough for everyone to hear, "I hope none of these guys win it, this sucked."  Like most things, Barkley says what everyone else is thinking.  Also, there was some great unintentional comedy during the "HORSE" contest when Chuck chose Sacramento King F Omri "The Flaming Jew" Casspi as his competitor, then proceeded to call him "Omar" for most of the competition.

Nevertheless, I will attempt a running diary of the events of the 2010 All-Star Game.  For my sake, let's hope this is better than last night.

7:42: Pre-game show talking about the Mavs/Wizards trade.  Butler/Haywood/Stevenson for Howard/Gooden/Ross/Singleton.  Gotta like it for the Mavs.  Crunch time 5 of Kidd, Terry, Butler, Marion, Dirk.  Is there a better small-ball lineup in the NBA?  Cleveland could probably match it with Williams/West/Parker/Lebron/Varejao.  Either way, you can never accuse Mark Cuban of not trying to win.  If I had to pick an owner to play for, he would be it.

7:48: Awkward pre-game interview between David Aldridge and Dwight Howard.  Aldridge asks about Shaq going after Howard for the "Superman" nickname.  Howard says he doesn't want any grief about it with Shaq, he can learn from him.  To me, it seems like Shaq is trying hard to stay relevant.  He is nothing more than a third banana at this point, not good enough to be even a second scorer.

7:55: Talk of going to a USA vs The World format for the All-Star game.  Interesting idea, but like Commissioner Stern says there are 350 Americans and only 88 Internationals.  Just for fun, here are my rosters.


Americans
Paul
Bryant
James
Duncan
Howard
Wade
Anthony
D. Williams
Durant
Joe Johnson
Bosh
Stoudemire

Internationals
Nash
Ginobili
Deng
Nowitzki
Gasol
Gasol
Kaman (represents Germany internationally)
Parker
Fernandez
Turkoglu
Bargnani
Calderon

Needless to say, this would be an ass-raping that hasn't been seen since Schillinger made Beecher his pragg during Season 1 of Oz.

8:08: Craig Sager interviews Steve Nash.  As he gets done with his lengthy intro, he inexplicably repeats the whole thing.  Awkwarrrrrrrrrd.  Live TV is great!

8:15: Looks like Marv Albert is getting the call.  He is still the best in the biz, though Kevin Harlan is slowly creeping up on him.  Ugghhhhhh...and Reggie Miller.  I cannot stand Reggie Miller as a commentator.  Glad to see Doug Collins has gotten rid of his blonde hair.

8:20: And we have our first Charles Barkley Taco Bell commercial! If you missed it, I set the line at for appearances at 10.5.

8:23: An Usher sighting! I will be glad when we finally don't have to hear this song during every broadcast.  I am also rooting for Chris Brown to come out and hit him in the back with a steel chair to spark off the Best Black R&B Singer feud.  CB already has the heel persona down after he channeled his inner Jeff Jarrett.

8:26: All-Star Most Likely To Pass As An Extra On The Wire: -- Gerald Wallace.  He could be Wallace's older brother.

8:32: A SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT! Chris Kaman is no longer on the All-Ugly list after shaving his head.

8:34: Amare Stoudemire is a center like Kory Witt is a good story teller.

8:37: They choose to do the Canadian National Anthem.  Weird, considering Steve Nash is the only Canadian in the building.

8:40: Odd choice for the Anthem.  Country "star" Gretchen Wilson, accompanied by a guitar player that was free-styling like Marty McFly at the end of Johnny Be Good.

8:42: The HD Screen is HUGE! Something hasn't been this out of proportion since John Holmes tried to have sex with Muggsy Bogues.

8:47: Dirk Nowitzki cuts a pre-game promo in the center of the court.  The Rock he is not.

8:53: Kevin Garnett looking about as athletic as Oliver Miller out there.  His knee injury must be really bad. 12-3, West early.  It's almost like it is 9-0.

8:55: Steve Nash is playing the Joe Miller in Open Gym role.  He wouldn't shoot it right now if it meant Canada got to win the Hockey gold medal.

9:04: Just a thought: If Amare gets traded to the Cavs during the game does he switch jerseys and keep playing?

9:07: Gabrielle Union sighting behind the West bench.  Most underrated hot actress in Hollywood.  Is she from Dallas or is she there watching someone?  My bet is on Amare Stoudemire and his modern day rec specs.

9:11: More improbable before the season: All-Star Zach Randolph or Over .500 Memphis Grizzlies? I'm going with the latter.

9:15: Sure sign no one playing in the game cares: the first quarter buzzer sounds and everyone jumps in surprise.  No shot is taken.

9:23: Back to back dunks from Deron Williams and Dwayne Wade where they both hang on the rim afterward.  Guess we are playing prison rules.  Okay then.

9:28: The NBA Cares kids all have their shirts tucked into their gym shorts.  Apparently, Doug Oates dressed them before they came out.

9:33: Barkley commercial #2.  So far the Old Spice "Guy Riding Backwards On The Horse" is taking the award for most annoying repetitive commercial.

9:35: Trailer for new Bruce Willis/Tracy Morgan movie.  Hasn't the Straight-laced white cop/liberal black cop movie been played out?  Have the roles ever been reversed?  I could imagine Lawrence Fishburn as the tight-ass black cop and Dax Sheppard as the goofy white cop.  It would of course be the worst movie

9:36: Lebron after inadvertently knocking down Paul Pierce: C'mon P! Get up, P! Ironically, he also said this after trying to have sex with girl #11 last night.

9:43: 76-69, East at the half.  I just hope they keep it close so we can see some competitive basketball down the stretch.

9:53: Holy Shakira! Where have you been since Hips Don't Lie? Terrible song, but damn she still looks good.  Was there a TNT memo to cameramen to focus on her ass for the entire song?

10:02: Wow, Shakira just got herself google'd 500,000 times in the past 5 minutes.  Now Alicia Keys.  She's got a big act to follow.

10:05: Not gonna win any fans in Texas by singing the "New York" song, Alicia.  There may be an impromptu Klan meeting forming out in the parking lot.

10:28: 84-71, East. Apparently they didn't get the "keep it close" memo.

10:30: Whoa! Big time Dwight Howard alley-oop ala The Rain Man Shawn Kemp

10:38: Most overplayed song during NBA possessions: The Cha-Cha Slide.  "Everybody clap your hands..."

10:47: Whoever gets Chris Bosh is going to get a helluva player. He is wasting away up in Toronto.  IMO, he is the perfect second banana to Lebron.

10:50: It looks like Ethan Hawke is playing the same character he played in Training Day in the upcoming movie "Brooklyn's Finest."  Talk about a guy that fell off the map.  He had TD, Assault on Precinct 13, then nothing.

10:59: 118-117, East.  8:00 minutes to go.  This is about to get good!

11:08: West is feeding Zach Randolph to get baskets.  That is the first time "feeding" and "Zach Randolph" has ever been used in a sentence positively.

11:15: Four minutes to go, Lebron/Wade/Bosh are taking over this game.  03' Draft class will go down as best ever when it is all said and done.

11:23: Lebron jumps a passing lane and sends it home.  Billups answers with a quick 3.  West down 4 with 1:45 left.  The West crunch-time 5 kind've surprises me: Dirk, Chauncey, Amare, Deron Williams, Melo.  No Durant? George Karl is definitely favoring his Nuggets (Chauncey).

11:26: Tied up at 137.  East going to Lebron.  Amare stonewalls him, but its still East ball.  Ron Jeremy calls timeout to draw up the money shot.  "Get her on her knees and tell her here it comes, bitch."

11:28: Lebron chokes again, like usual.

11:29: Deron Williams fouls intentionally with the game tied and 18 seconds left. His defensive awareness just dropped 11 points in NBA 2k10. 139-137, East.

11:32: Dirk draws a foul on Howard and drains both free throws.  139-139, 14 seconds left.  If the West wins, Dirk wins MVP.

11:34: Bosh gets fouled on a Doug Byrne Reach Around.  That may or may not be a porn term.  He sinks both free throws. 5 seconds to go, East up two.

11:37: Carmelo misses badly on the final shot.  Karl once again shows favortism to his Nuggets.  I mean..you're in Dallas.  Dirk is one of the most clutch players in the league.  He can shoot and drive.  Excellent free throw shooter.  And you give it to Melo?  Jerk move.

11:42: Dwayne Wade wins MVP. Gerald Wallace stands menacingly in the background.  He is anxious to get back to muscling for Marlo in The Wire.  He has single-handedly won the Project Championship for the West Side 7 years running.

And that does it for this years NBA All-Star Weekend.  The game was close until the end which always makes it 100x more entertaining.  There was a lot less And 1 Mixtape play in the edition. I would give this game a 7.5/10.

Until next time..

NRTTS
Coach Deuce