Eaten Alive...

I hate Notre Dame. I hate everything that they stand for. And I most especially hate the way they think they are College Football. As I watched the press conference today I had to turn it off because the atheletic director shared those exact thoughts. As he went on about how Notre D ame Football competing for National Championships is great for the game and his university. Nobody gives a damn about Notre Dame.

I'd contest that Notre Dame being good is good for Notre Dame and Notre Dame only. Sure when they're good more people pay attention. We all know them. The Gerber family or about any Catholic you know. "Notre Dame is going to murder you're squad on Saturday" and you respond, "Who's playing QB for the Irish?" and they have no response. They watch their Irish and couldn't tell you who their competition is. These great seasons only generate money for the Irish, there's no benefit to the country full of much better stories.

So on a cold day in November the Golden Dome sits tarnished again. No longer the center of the College Football with no one but themselves to blame. The Independent status that they hold so highly, the multi-million dollar NBC deal, the alleged "extremely high" academic standards. They make them easy to hate. Independence is ignorant these days. The only teams left Independent are not good enough to be in conference. The NBC deal only estranges them from the youth of today. Nobody's watching the NBC game of the week anymore like the 1970s, kids care about the SEC, BigTen, Pac10, and Big12. Those are the big boys, wanna play with 'em then play 'em. In each of those conferences there's a team with high standards, but they somehow manage to field competitive teams without using it as an excuse.

Go on Notre Dame pay your way out of a mistake. And go make another. Take Brian Kelly, another offensive mastermind without a knack for the other side of the ball. Call up Urban Meyer and Bob Stoops. They'll agree that they're in much better position than a trip to South Bend could ever put them in. Notre Dame isn't the pinnacle of sport anymore, time to accept it and move on cuz Rudy aint commin back.

The Other Side

I've had my time to reflect over the disappointing 21-10 loss suffered by my beloved Wolverines last Saturday.  While the disappointment will never be acceptable, I found an eerie calm about myself as I awoke from my drunken stupor on Sunday.  There was even a sense of joy.  Back to this later; first, my thoughts about the game.  We need bullets!

• The defense played surprisingly acceptable.  Part of this was going back to the secondary of Floyd/Warren/Woolfolk/Kovacs.  I felt that this was the best option all along because you can always give safety help to JT Floyd, the same safety help that was utterly worthless with Jordan Kovacs playing deep instead of Troy Woolfolk.  Kovacs is an acceptable player near the line of scrimmage, so this played to our strengths.  Also, Kevin Leach for Obi Ezeh was a substitution that had to be made.  Obi is at a crossroads in his career at this point.  On the one hand, he has not had more than 1 year under a defensive system since he has been here.  On the other hand, he has not shown the instincts to be a consistently good linebacker.  Don't even get me started on his coverage skills.  So what will the staff do with him?  This is one of the biggest questions going into the spring.  You can't just waste a 6'4 250 lb guy like him on the sidelines.  I look for them to give him the option of playing a DE position of some sorts, where his instincts will not be as big of a hindrance.
• Wow, did the Greg Banks/Will Heineiger substitution package ever bite us in the ass?!  Seemingly every time Ohio State made a big play in the running game, Banks and Heine were on the field.  Banks has been about typical of a late Lloyd Carr recruit: mediocre, unathletic, and generally uninterested.  However, at least he hasn't been collecting splinters like Adam Patterson, who was beaten out by the walk-on Heineiger.  Hopefully another recruiting class will lead us to have a little more depth on the DL next year.  I count Martin, RVB, Roh, Sagesse, Campbell (who played really well Saturday), Herron, and a redshirted Anthony Lalota as guys that could contribute.  This is still not where you want to be as a D1 team, so Heineiger will likely see some time again next year.  This is where an Obi Ezeh move possibly comes in.  
• It's safe to say that I love Roy Roundtree.  He has the one thing that you love in a receiver: production. He might not be the fastest or biggest guy, but he finds a way to get open and when he is thrown the ball he never drops it.  He reminds me of a smaller Jason Avant in that regard.
• Patrick Omameh is going to be something special on the OLine.  Where he excels is when he is in space, as I saw him absolutely murder Kurt Coleman on a couple of downfield blocks.  His play as a RS Freshman leads me to believe we can pencil him in at a starting spot somewhere on the line next year.  That gives Omameh, Schilling, a returning Molk (hopefully), and then two spots that will be up for grabs.  Of all the positions on the roster, OLine has the most potential, IMO.  Guys like Ricky Barnum, Taylor Lewan, and Quinton Washington are high-ceiling type guys who should be ready to step in and contribute (Barnum especially - tempered expectations on the other two as just RS Frosh).
• I'm going to miss Brandon Graham.  Nothing more needs to be said.
• Vince Smith is going to contribute here for four years.  He finished with a great two games against the two stingiest run defenses in the conference.  He doesn't need the biggest hole in the world to get positive yardage, and not just because he is Freshman Year Andy Kardos in size.  He also has that uncanny Mike Hart ability to turn a 4 yard loss into a 4 yard gain.  I like the way the kid plays, and he never backs down.  
• Tate had a great game from 20-20, but a lousy game backed up (sweaty palms) and in the red zone.  Michigan moved the ball better than I thought they would, and a lot of this was due to Tate making plays.  Of course, it was disappointing not to get into the endzone, but THE GUY IS A FRESHMAN! Name me the last freshman quarterback that was any good consistently.  Was he in over his head?  No doubt in my mind!  HE'S A DAMN FRESHMAN! PLAYING AGAINST OHIO STATE! One of the best defenses in the country.  But if you can say that you didn't see glimpses of positive play in that game than you are flat out lying to yourself.  Even the great Tim Tebow only had 2 plays that he ran as a freshman.  Colt McCoy didn't even play as a freshman.  Sam Bradford red shirted.  On and on and on.

So am I disappointed in how this season played out?  You are damn right I am.  The pessimist says we caught breaks and got lucky against Notre Dame and Indiana.  The optimist says we made plays in those games to win the game, and also were a play away from beating Michigan State and Iowa on the road, as well as Purdue at home (that was the game that hurt the most).  There are always two sides to a story.  My side is this: Rich Rodriguez had to dig himself out of a hole that no Michigan fan will ever begin to understand.  71 scholarship players out of the 85 limit.  The depth isn't there yet.

Back to my joy on Sunday.  Saturday against Ohio State was the biggest recruiting weekend Michigan has ever had.  Over 100 prospects poured into The Big House to watch the game.  For the people that say Rich Rod doesn't recruit defense, just wait until the chips fall from last weekend.  The talent we will have on the field in 2-3 years is going to be incredible.  Mark my words.

NRTTS
Coach Deuce

Sitting Around...

So here it is, the day we thought wouldn't happen til atleast the third week of December. The offseason. While the rest of the world figures a turnaround is going to happen we sit. We sit and think. What just happened over the last 12 weeks? Did we see an improvement? What are we to expect next year?

Lets call a turd a turd here. This team started out 4-0. That's 2 wins from bowl bound and in a position to start thinking January bowl. And Delaware St was on the schedule. And we proceeded to lose every game except DState. Wow. There's no way we shouldn't be bowling. While I always walking into the BigHouse looking for a win, no one was surprised by the outcome yesterday. This was a team playing their game against a team that still doesn't know what their game is or if it works.

While all the experts say, "They won 5 games compared to 3 last year and looked better on offense." They were. At the beginning of the season. Then this team digressed beyond belief. I feel like if this was Lloyd Carr it would be unacceptable. Tate Forcier went from all world to one of the worst games I've ever been witness to. I know he's a freshmen, but he played like he was in over his head these last few weeks.

My feeling on the improvement of this team is that they didn't improve but got more "breaks". We shouldn't have beat Notre Dame, we got lucky there. Got a replay to go our way against the Hoosiers for the first time in what seems like forever, and played Delaware St. So I drop 2 of those 3 and here we are a more fortunate 3-9 and last place in the BigTen in 45 years. The BigTen is awful...the worst in a really long time and our Wolverines are the worst of it. Awesome.

Next year. Saying "next year" in November is unacceptable. Getting out of the preseason unscathed is not as important as competing in the BigTen. This team HAS to win 9 games next year and be in the title hunt. Otherwise, I'm sorry, pack up your shit and get out of the office. And I'm the ultimate pessimest anymore. A team that can't put it in from the 10 yard line cannot compete in this Conference. If major violations are found then I'm not sure he has a next year.

The Gate

Fair Warning

There will be no predictions post tomorrow.  These have been bad karma ever since I started doing them.  Tomorrow is fair game for anyone that would like to post their thoughts on The Game.  I will leave you with this, a preview of how Michigan should play on Saturday.

NRTTS

Coach Deuce

Remembering The Day

The day will live in infamy.  November 17, 2006.  The day before the biggest game in The Game's history. 11-0 and #2 ranked Michigan was rolling into Columbus to face the 11-0 #1 ranked Buckeyes.

That Friday was like a dream.  The Oak Harbor Rockets were in the midst of a playoff run that would send them to the state semifinals.  I was in full Coach Deuce mode at this time, still wearing the Coach Oz shorts that had led the Rockets to their 13-0 start in the cold of November.  The football weekend was unprecedented.  Cloud nine would not accurately describe my state of mind during this time.  After all, what could be better than playoff high school football and the greatest Game of all Games?

Then I heard the news of Sports Radio 1130 WDFN Detroit.

"Legendary Michigan coach Bo Schembechler has suddenly passed away today at the age of 78."

Shock.  That is the only word that I can use to describe how I felt at that moment.  It was as if I had simultaneously been hit by a stinkface by Rikishi and a big splash by King Kong Bundy.  I literally had to pull over to the side of the road to gather myself.  The situation was just a complete overload at that time.

I mean, Bo and Woody single handedly built this rivalry up to what it is today - game by game, recruiting battle by recruiting battle.  These two generally did not like each other for the simple reason - they were on opposing sides during the 3rd Saturday in November.  Suddenly, the last piece of that part of the rivalry was taken from us.  And only one day before the biggest moment the Rivalry had seen..well, ever.  It was too surreal to even believe.

My mind raced to what the ramifications of this would mean.  Bo meant more to Michigan than anyone can possibly imagine.  During his memorial at The Big House, Lloyd Carr delivered one of my all-time favorite lines about Bo.  "It was my first year as head coach, and I was sitting in my office doing some work and Bo knocked on my door and asked if he could come in.  I thought about it for a millisecond, and realized I could hardly say no.  After all, the BUILDING is named after him."  And in a nutshell, that is what Bo Schembechler is to Michigan.  Every coach from here to eternity will be compared to Bo in some way.

He was gone.

The buzz around the party the day of The Game was something to behold.  It was as if the passing of a legend  brought together the Hatfields and McCoys.  It would be like Vince McMahon and Steve Austin hugging it out in the middle of the ring during the peak of the Attitude Era.  Each person had a different story about how Bo and Woody made this rivalry special.  We all realized if it wasn't for these two men, we would likely not be here today.  They made this day special.  A day we all look forward to as if it were a regional holiday.  On That Day, only one thing matters.  The outcome of The Game.  Suddenly, the biggest game in it's history just got  even bigger.

We all know how this one turned out.  That wound does not need to be pried open again.  Had Troy Smith been 6'3", and not 6'0, the ballgame may have had a totally different outcome.One thing stood out in my mind about that day, though.  Before the game, 105,000 fans stood on their feet and honored a man that they all hated for the vast portions of their lives.  It was called RESPECT.

For that one moment, Michigan and Ohio State fans joined together and honored one of their own.  It is what makes this day so special.  I could not imagine being a Notre Dame fan, Michigan State fan, Wisconsin fan, and having to watch this rivalry from the outside.  Nothing compares to it, and it is almost here again.

RIP Bo Schembechler

NRTTS

Coach Deuce

1969

Forty years not so long ago for some of us. Remembering times when it was said to me, "Michigan!, Are you stupid?" And my Dad would say to me, "Actions speak louder than words. Bide your time, things will change." Then, in late November, when it looked to be impossible, things DID change. Listening to the radio (WOHO Radio) a voice shouted, " Little Barrry Pierson takes the punt at the 38. He's at the 50...40...30...10, tackled at the 4 yard line." One play later, Michigan scores and takes the lead. Yes! Over OSU! A team that had been called the greatest of the century and had won 22 games in a row. Could this be real, I thought? It is only the 2nd quarter. Many a prayer was said over the long remaining 2 quarters but in the end, it happened. The greatest upset in college football history. 24-12 MICHIGAN. When it was all said and done, my Dad said, "Times they are a changing" and change they did.

For the next 40 years looking back at this rivalry I was told many times, "Michigan doesn't stand a chance in hell" But, over the years, someone has risen to the occasion. A walk on quarterback, Brian Griese, a running back with a funny name, Tshimanga "Tim" Biakabutuka and a bunch of other no-names.

So after a heavy hearted season, I am back to praying. I feel this is our turn around time. Someone will rise to the top and be the leader and the best.

A side note... humor of the game. I played softball with a group of guys for over 20 years. We would all get together for the game. The year, 1976, OSU at home. As we all meet at the home of OSU fan, Roger Place. My Dad, age 70 was the oldest there. He didn't wear Michigan on his sleeve like I do. Surrounded by Buckeyes just before the game, Roger tells us how he has a bet with a guy in Ann Arbor on the game for $100 bucks. And he's getting 21 points. My Dad and I exchanged knowing looks that, as usual, Roger was full of shit. The game starts slowly.... 0-0 first quarter. Midway second quarter, Jimmy Smith catches a long punt from OSU and starts to dodge Buckeyes going up the field. Just then, my Dad jumps from his chair yelling, "Run you SOB, Run!" After a 40 yard return, he is tackled and an OSU fan looks at my Dad and says, "Joe, that's Michigan." My Dad said, "Who do you think I'm rooting for, you Asshole?" Complete silence. I was laughing inside. 0-0 at the half. Third Quarter, Michigan scores on the opening drive 7-0. No problem, Roger says. Later 3rd quarter, Michigan scores again 14-0. BUT NO, WAIT, FAKE KICK 2 POINTS. MICHIGAN 15-0. Roger's not smiling. 4th quarter. Greatest running back from Ohio scores for Michigan. (Rob Lytle #41) 22-0 and the final score. Roger loses and said not a word during the whole UCLA v. USC game. Dad and I laughed all the way home. I have more stories than time so I'll stop here. M GO BLUE!

No Russian.

Like Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 there is a disturbing scene ahead and I'm willing to let you pass it. There is profanity, bad english, and an overall disturbing feel to the following post. If you feel you're comfortable to do anything to feel raw emotion of a fan getting kicked in the balls for the 7th straight week, read on after the break....





You may look at the timestamp and realize "Hey, it was still the third quarter, and any Michigan fan would still be watching and hoping for a victory." FUCK YOU. Thats what I'll say to anyone who questions my fandom. Ever.

Not only is that my mantra to anyone who questions my dedication to this team, but its also become the mantra of this Michigan program. You don't give up nearly 500 yards passing last week and on pace to beat that out this week. Michigan Football as a whole has looked directly into your television, right into your living room, and right into our souls and said "FUCK YOU."

Fuck you Michigan Fan, we're not going to figure out how to defend the pass, the run, or show up in any way that doesn't make you think of high school football. We're not going to turn around on a gauranteed fade route, we're not going to make a play when our team and fans need it the most. We're not going to figure out how to defend a pass over the middle against a team known for running the ball. And when we sell out on that run, we're gonna allow a 30 yard run. Fuck You Michigan fan, Fuck You. But remember we're young, and we're getting better, and someday we'll be really good. Someday we'll learn how to come out in the 2nd half better than the 1st not worse. Who the hell knows when this tired mantra will run out. Who knows when we'll be good, cuz we don't even have flashes of it.

And we're supposed to take it. We're supposed to sit there and watch our hearts get run over, and gasp for breath every time a QB drops back to pass. We're supposed to get out of bed on Saturday, get ready for a game, and give everything we have to a team that goes out and doesn't look like they give a shit. This team gets picked apart worse than any other bad BigTen I've ever seen. Wisconsin did what ever they wanted, they ran, they passed, and Michigan didn't do anything...It was demoralizing.

I've sat here wondering why I'll make the trip to Ann Arbor next week. Why will I be boiling pissed when I see a shitload of red in my stadium? Why will I give a shit when OSU runs out of that tunnel? Why will I get chills when I look up into a gray November sky and look down on a green field of Maize, Blue, Scarlet, and Gray? Who gives a shit, because they certainly don't. But I will, because thats what I was born to do. The real maize and blue faithful will show up, watch on TV, and from their spots in the Michigan universe, they will have put more in than any player has this season.

At the beginning of the year I bought my shirt. ALL IN FOR MICHIGAN it read, but that was it, I bought it, I bought in, and Rich Rod, Bill Martin, and everyone else in this administration went ALL INTO THE BANK. Nobody out there is all in, they don't even have a toe in. Nobody gives a fuck.

So with this post I say Fuck You team on the field, You are not Michigan, you and last years team will someday be erased from the history books. You're careers lacked anything that resembled anything Michigan has stood for. So on the 21st, put you're helmets on one last time, run out the tunnel one last time and touch MY banner, go through the motions one last time, and get the fuck out. You don't deserve a bowl game, you don't deserve to represent your university to the country. You deserve that cold walk across the diag with glares coming from the people walking by. You are nothing.

This has been brewing all week long, since Dad told me about a moment from last weeks game. "On 3rd and long, the players are motioning for the fans to get up, and we did, it was loud. Then they forgot to cover the TE, and gave up 1st and 10." And it wasn't the same old BigBob in his voice. It wasn't the same "Oh, well." My dad had gone from the "Good Example" in the crown during my younger days telling me "You guys put too much into it" into the guy who was standing right next to me yelling and screaming like a crazy maniac the last 3 years. It was refreshing, at one moment at the beginning of this revelation I remember looking over with Brian, and laughing to eachother, because he was the only one screaming like a madman. But Purdue finally did it. It had taken the man I learned my passion from and demoralized him. There's no reason for this, there's no reason for men to put there reputations and sometimes health on the line for a bunch of 20 year olds playing a game. But we do, and we will. Because thats what we're supposed to do. And starting now, it's OhioState week. And somehow someway we will beat the Buckeyes.

GO BLUE!!!

Prognosticating 11-14 (Quick Style)

Time for another edition of prognosticating, where I make an ass of myself against the spread.  This will be a quick and dirty edition of prognosticating, as I don't have much time.  Last week I was 2-3 against the spread, as LSU and Michigan choked away games they should have easily covered in.  I will take solace in the fact that I knew Iowa was going to lose sooner or later, I just didn't think Northwestern would be the ones to get them.  My overall record is a very Margaretta football-like 3-7, but one big week can put me back above the .500 mark.

Michigan State (+3) at PURDUE

Chalk this one up to nothing more than the fact that I hate Michigan State more than I hate Purdue.  Just barely, though.  Keep it up, Danny Hope.  Don't let last week's whooping of Western Michigan fool you, Michigan State is still a mediocre football team.  That being said, Purdue is equally as mediocre, but they have a talent for winning games they have no business winning.  I think Joey Elliot leads the Boilers to not only cover this, but win it outright.

OHIO STATE (+16.5) vs. Iowa

Iowa QB Ricky Stanzi is out for this one, which would usually spell doom for any offense.  Not this one.  I think with a week of preparation, any QB would be more productive than Ricky "Pick Six" Stanzi.  The guy is more turnover prone than Jay Cutler, which is saying something.  (Cutler is the biggest bust this season, hands down)  The thing that gives me caution about this one is that the Ohio State defense is really, really good.  I just don't see Ohio State being able to put the kind of points up they are going to need to cover this one by 16.5.  Give me Iowa.

Texas (+23.5) at BAYLOR

Murder city.  Texas all the way.

ILLINOIS (+5) vs. Northwestern

I'm all aboard the Juice-Train, as he continues to try and salvage his pathetic senior season.  I'll take the Zookers over the smart kids, and I'll even give the five points.

WISCONSIN (+8.5) vs. Michigan

The John Thompson Bowl, as Wisconsin tries to gain some measure of revenge as they remember that Michigan somehow beat them last year.  Of course, Michigan is in disarray in all sense of the word, and Wisconsin is their usual bland but effective selfs.  There are two major wild cards in this game for Michigan.  1) Denard Robinson is likely going to start and 2) Mike Williams will finally see the bench, as Brandon Smith will likely move into his role as an 8th guy in the box.  If Brandon Minor is not healthy, which I doubt he will be (after all, can you really expect a player to play 2 games in a row?)  Denard brings another option to the offense.  If Michigan can get some zone read going, then I like the move because Denard is a legit threat to score and make big plays on that play, unlike Tate.  As far as the other move, I say it is about damn time.  Brandon Smith may not have a future as a safety (LB), but in this game he will be a perfect fit.  John Clay will be ready to go, so Michigan is going to have to stack the box and play some man-on-man coverage on not only the outside receivers, but the TE's.  Smith and Stevie Brown present pretty good matchups for Michigan...well, better matchups than Mike Williams vs. anybody.  This is about as tough of a call as you can get, but I can't pick against my Wolverines. MICHIGAN WILL COVER, because...what the hell, why not?

That is all for today, one more week until The Game!

NRTTS
Coach Deuce

You know what they say about athletes with big heads...

Hello friends. I would like to embark on the lighter side of NRTTS, today. It is often said of superstar professional athletes and other celebrities that they have big heads, meaning they have a large ego that they can not keep in check. In the sports world I first think of TO, Kobe, OchoCinco, etc.

However, with this post I would like to start a discussion on which athletes REALLY HAVE huge heads. I'm talking about the players that look like Ken Griffey Jr. on the Simpsons when he couldn't put the nerve tonic down (See Above). So often in the world of sports, athletes are measured. The set of diagnostics includes height, weight, 40-time, bench press, NFL shuttle, NCAA Football 10 injury rating (Brandon Minor), reproductive fertility (Shawn Kemp), and the list goes on. But I think hat size, or the size of one's dome, should come into play when these athletes are rigorously tested.

Here are my favorite athletes with Head Size of 85 and above:

Sheldon Williams (Boston Celtics)

This guy is notorious for having a large head/forehead, and for being ugly, but attractiveness I will save for another post. I think Matt Groening and the rest of the Simpsons creative team went into the future and used Sheldon as a model for their balloon headed Ken Griffey Jr. in the "Homer at the Bat" episode.

Jermaine O'neal (Miami Heat)

Jermaine has one of those heads where it looks like all his facial features are on the bottom half of his face, not unlike Marta Diehm at age 2. When he wears a headband, which he always does, he still has 50% of his noggin stickin out the top of it!

Kevin Mench

A former rangers platoon player, Mench supposedly wears a size 8 1/2 hat! It is also known that former teammates bestowed upon him the nickname "Shrek". You could only be treated to a cap this big if you happened to catch one of Ryan Price's games (I kid because I care, Price).

Barry Bonds

Not too much commentary required here. His stock on the list of great melons has risen exponentially over his career.

Feel free to comment on any other cranially gifted athletes that come to mind. Be on the lookout for these guys who look like they are constantly in Goldeneye 007 for N64's "DK Mode". I don't know if the size of one's head leads to increased intelligence, creativity, or awareness. But I do know:

You've just been D'ed up!

-Stefan The D.

The Sports Elite

Another week, another Michigan loss.  Wednesday is usually the day when I come on here and give reasons for hope and optimism that Michigan will snap out of its funk and get that elusive 6th win to become bowl eligible.  Not this week though; that act has become a bit tired.  I do not want to run the risk of sounding like a broken record.  Everyone knows Michigan's defense has enormous holes in it that will not be filled this year.  Everyone knows that Michigan's offense relies heavily on Brandon Minor, who may have the worst injury rating in all of the NCAA.  None of this will change for the rest of the year, so lets take some time to explore something else that has been on my mind.

At some point, when you have watched or played enough sports, you fall into a category that may or may not be a positive thing: The Sports Elite.  This is when you know (or think you know) enough about sports that you can carry an intelligent conversation with another sports elite.  You watch SportsCenter regularly, probably listen to some type of sports talk radio, and frequent websites like ESPN.com, SI.com, or sports blogs that interest you (like NRTTS!).  I consider myself to be in this class of sports fan.  Sports have been a part of my life for so long that they are second nature by now.  When I turn on the TV, I immediately go to ESPN to see what is on.  When I fire up the computer, some kind of sports site will be the first visited.  I don't wear this as some kind of badge of honor.  Rather, this is what interests me the most so I choose to be knowledgeable on as many subjects as I can.

Now to the meat of the post.  Once you enter this zone, you cannot go back.  I will forever know the names of Trey Junkin, Carlisle Holliday, and Stanley Jackson.  The image of Jason Gingell getting that fateful FG blocked against App State will always haunt my dreams.  The start of the NFL Draft will always get my blood pumping.  These are just facts that will remain with my for the rest of my life.  I would have it no other way: sports are what get my blood pumping - what gets me through the week.  There is one downfall to being a Sports Elitist, though.

Talking to the Non-Sports Elite about sports.

I don't know if it's because I wear a lot of sports team apparel or if I have a giant sign on my forehead that says "talk sports with me," but people inevitably make it their pastime to engage in a sports related conversation with me.  Within 10 seconds of the conversation, I can tell if I am talking to a SE or a NSE.  It is the latter that really annoys me.  It is a painful experience to try to talk sports with someone who has no idea what they are talking about.  Think of it this way: I don't go up to Craig Krenzel and talk Molecular Biology with him.  I realize that his major is something really hard because Brent Musberger told me so about 439 times.  Rather than embarrass myself entirely by trying to act like I know something about Molecular Biology, I would just keep my mouth shut and not talk at all.

Case in point.  The apartment complex that I live in offers a free shuttle to and from campus on weekdays.  The driver of this shuttle (which is just a big van, Bang Bus style) is an old guy, probably retired, who wears an assortment of straight billed caps (LA Raiders - not Oakland - BGSU, and Florida Marlins).  At the start of the year, the talk was limited to "Did you see X play Y this weekend?" and then some analysis on what he saw during those games.  It didn't annoy me at first, but I could tell he was a NSE right away.  After all, the week after the USC/OSU game he kept telling me how it was amazing how "UCLA kept having such good football teams" and how they "keep hammering Ohio State".  Okay, driver, just give it up.  His in depth analysis of the game was how he couldn't believe how "them California guys just kept getting right in there, while Ohio State couldn't do that".  Sigh.  I would just agree with him and count the seconds until the shuttle arrived to its destination.  It has continued to get more and more painful as he has become more comfortable with talking sports with me.  This week, he again told me how UCLA has had such great teams and how "them Nebraska guys sure are something else".  The doozy of it all was when he proclaimed that "Ohio State always completes that one deep pass every game not matter what". UGGGGGH.  I know it makes me a bad person that I loathe listening to this guy talk: after all he is just trying to do his job.  At some point though, I just want to launch into an in depth rant about how UCLA has really fallen off the map ever since Cade McNown and Jonathan Ogden left campus, and how USC has really taken over the state as the premiere football powerhouse.

Another example.  Those guys sitting behind us at the Michigan game who proclaimed that "Tate Forcier is awful" and doesn't deserve to be in the game.  This is the same guy that would not stop pointing out that Donovan Warren wasn't playing press coverage.  Every play it was "Look at him! What the hell! Why is he so far off! *Warren proceeds to walk up to press coverage pre-snap* Look at Woolfolk! He is off! What the hell! That is just bad coaching!"  I wanted to turn around to the guy and call him out for the idiot that he was, but that would really serve no purpose other than to get into an argument you just can't win.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is if you know you aren't really knowledgeable about something, just try to avoid it.  I don't go around talking about the merits of the proposed health care system just because I don't really know, nor care, much about it.  If there is ever any doubt whether you are or are not a Sports Elite, tread lightly.  Don't try to overdo it and impress somebody, because you will just end up looking stupid.

NRTTS
Coach Deuce

Michigan, my Michigan

I was at the game on Saturday. Another heartbreaking defeat. I was pissed more than I normally am, more than the Gate has ever seen me. As we started down the aisle for the long wait to get out of the stadium, a gentleman looked at me and said "In 2 years, we'll be great." I replied, "Yeah, in 2 years we'll win games 50-48! I say, that's bull crap, you win with defense. Ask Bo or osu. As we moved another few feet, a so called Michigan fan dressed in his maize and blue yells across to his friend that he'll sell his Michigan-Ohio State ticket for $10. His friend replied, "Why for $10?" He said, "This place will be filled with Buckeyes in 2 weeks." Which, as pissed as I was, I turned to this supposed Michigan Fan and said "It's because of asshole season ticketholders like you that sell your tickets that I have to sit by MSU, PSU and OSU fans for these big games in my own stadium. " He answered, "You gotta make a buck when you can." If these people can't stand by the team when we are losing, they might as well stay home when they are winning. They are no fan of the University of Michigan. If you're a season ticketholder not going to the game, sell your ticket to a U of M fan, not a foe!

Prognosticating 11-7

So Week One of my Picks Against The Spread did not go exactly as I planned.  I found one thing out for certain, though.  THESE GAMES ARE FIXED!  First, Ohio State was favored by 44 - they win by 45 as New Mexico State's quarterback Threet's it into the end zone for a defensive touchdown..  Iowa is favored by 17.5, and is getting their lunch handed to them by Indiana.  Then one play single handedly changed the momentum and outcome of that entire game.  This play made 1997 Nebraska's "Kick Play" blush.  Instead of being up 28-7, the score is 21-14 and the rest is history.  Iowa would go onto win by 18 POINTS, covering the spread by a half a point.  The next two I don't have a good excuse for, because Michigan and USC both got their Double Decker's with Special Sauce handed to them.  However, Penn State saved the day by covering the 17 point spread, and beating Northwestern by 21.  That sets my record at a putrid 1-4 as we move into the home stretch of the Big Ten season.  On with the picks!

MINNESOTA (+7) vs. Illinois


Minnesota, minus Eric Decker, somehow beat the Michigan State Spartans last week on a late touchdown, and this week they are matched up against the Fighting Illini, fresh off their beat down of Michigan.  I'm not sure which Minnesota offense will show up in this one, as they had been struggling bad without Decker, only to lay 45 on Sparty last week.  I feel like last week was a mirage, as they just don't have the play makers to consistently score points.  Illinois, on the other hand, has a ton of play makers, led by Juice Williams.  If Juice can somehow picture Minnesota with winged helmets, then he will likely throw for 200 and run for 100 more. I like Illinois to cover in this one, with a possible outright win not out of the question.

IOWA (+16.5) vs. Northwestern


One of these weeks, Ricky Stanzi is going to cost the Hawkeyes a game.  You just cannot keep throwing 5 interceptions a game and expect to win.  The amazing thing is that he did exactly that last week against Indiana.  Can you imagine how bad Michigan would lose right now if Tate tossed 5 interceptions in a game?  I digress, as Iowa stays at home against a Northwestern squad that is pretty mediocre.  They hung with Penn State for a half last week, but then got blown out in the 4th quarter.  Iowa will be riding pretty high after their come from behind miracle last week, but I like Northwestern to cover the points, with Iowa still winning the game.

PENN STATE (+3.5) vs. Ohio State


The game of the week in the Big Ten, as the Buckeyes roll into Happy Valley to take on the JoePa's.  Last time the Bucks and Nitts hooked up, Terrelle Pryor fumbled a quarterback sneak and was later seen crying on the bench.  This time, Pryor heads into Happy Valley, where 105,000 fans will lay into him for spurning the home-state school for the hated Buckeyes.  This game hinges on which Terrelle Pryor shows up.  If Pryor makes plays with his legs and does not throw the ball into double and triple coverages, the Buckeyes have a shot.  Even if he does that, they still have a shot because their defense will likely keep them in the game.  That said, I think Darryl Clark and the PSU offense are coming into their own right now.  If the PSU O-Line can give Clark time, he can find holes in that that Ohio State defense.  I like Penn State to cover in this one, on the strength of some key Pryor turnovers.

ALABAMA (+7.5) vs. LSU


The Mad-hatter takes the Bayou Bengals into Tuscaloosa to take on the Crimson Tide, in what is Alabama's last true test before they match up with Florida.  LSU has been getting by on smoke and mirrors offensively this season, which is not something you want to say when you have Alabama's defense standing across from you.  However, Alabama has also been struggling offensively through the air, as QB Greg McElroy has been inefficient and turnover prone.  I look for Les Miles to pull out all the stops in this one - Fake FG's and Punts, trick plays, and some Wildcat stuff with freshman QB Russell Shepherd.  Will it be enough to win?  I don't think so, but - I think it will be enough to cover the 7.5 as Alabama's offense will also struggle to score points.  I'll take LSU.


MICHIGAN (+6) vs. Purdue


I have all kinds of bad feelings about this game.  First, Purdue has been the most Jekkyl and Hyde team in the Big Ten, with a win over Ohio State and near wins over Notre Dame and Oregon, but also a 38-0 loss to Wisconsin last week.  Which Purdue team will show up?  For that matter, which Michigan team will show up?  Brandon Minor supposedly had his best week of practice this week, which bodes well for the Michigan offense as they try to get back on track.  RS-Freshman Patrick Omameh will likely see time at guard this week as Mark Huyge moves back out to his more natural RT position in place of an injured Perry Dorrenstein.  How will Omameh handle his first extended time in a game?  Also, will the defense continue to give up big plays?  Purdue will run the football effectively if Michigan is forced to play two-deep safeties.  One thing I will look for is can the Michigan defense generate some turnovers?  It has been three games since the defense has had one, so I think this is the week for at least two takeaways.  Also, Michigan has never lost with me in attendance, so that streak will have to continue.  I like MICHIGAN to cover the six, and beat the Boilermakers making them bowl eligible.

Other news around the sports world:

• So baseball season is finally over, as the Yankees finally live up to their billing again.  If I have said it once, I'll say it a million times; it will be a sad day for Yankee fans (and fans of baseball in general) when Mariano Rivera decides to hang up his pinstripes.  It is amazing how he has dominated the game with one pitch (the legendary cut fastball).  Major league hitters know what is coming, yet they still cannot hit it.  It was also really awkward listening to Hideki Matsui give his MVP acceptance speech in Japanese.  You would think after 8 or 9 years in America he would be able to give a couple sentences in English.  
• Things get even more comical in Berea, as GM Randy Kokinas is supposedly escorted out of Browns Headquarters.  I give Eric Mangini one more week of bad football before he is fired.  This begs the question: who do Browns fans want as their next coach?  Bill Cowher would be an obvious choice, but would he really take over this pathetic franchise?  
• #15 Michigan basketball (wow, that feels good to say in the pre-season) starts their season tonight with an exhibition game against Wayne State.  It should be an exciting year for the Wolverines, as the Big Ten is loaded.  I will go into more detail about this team as football season draws to a close, but I expect this season to be a roller coaster.  With trips to Kansas, Utah, at home against UConn, and a run in the Old Spice Classic, the Wolverines will have a challenging non-conference slate to go along with the grueling Big Ten.  At one point, Michigan will most likely be ranked outside the Top 25, but I expect nothing less than another Big Dance trip (I'm thinking Sweet Sixteen and more this year). 

That is all for today.  Hopefully the picks go a little better this week, and Michigan finally gets that elusive 6th win.

NRTTS

Coach Deuce

It's coming

I don't know how much its hitting the airwaves around the country, but behind enemy lines there's a developing story concerning THE GAME. Reports have been made official that the Buckeyes will come out of our tunnel looking like the Atlanta Falcons (There is no truth however to the rumor that Pryor will wear #7). In a "tribute" to their 1954 team and the pockets of Nike, the Buckeyes will wear an alternate uniform as part of Nike's "Rivalry Series". While I'm not the biggest fan of Adidas and Michigan, I'll say that I'm thrilled we didn't get lumped into this crapfest with the Buckeyes

This photo taken by Brandon Smith

former Buckeye with more access

than The Gate.

On that cold November Saturday I'm supposed to be standing there, watching the boys in Blue warming up with a smile on my face. Then out of the corner of my eye should be a sparkle and my blood should start to boil. On a bit of a sidenote; the sparkle has gotten brighter as apparently OSU has adopted a 3 year old with glitter to paint their helmets this year. But with these new uni's it'll look like some damn equipment manager for PSU for got they striped the helmets blue, and not red.

While the bottom line on that cold afternoon is a Michigan W I do wish the administration from the enemies side would've looked back a couple of years at the precedent these schools set together: WE WILL NOT COMMERCIALIZE THIS RIVALRY. Next year maybe the Bucks will bring on an all black jersey.

I know one person who dreams of the day Michigan comes out of the tunnel with a yellow jersey. I for one dread it.

Lord in Heaven...

You'd think this post would be about the all the sudden not so mighty Wolverines. But its not, I've fallen into that numbness that Michigan Football drove me to last year. Why put my heart and emotional stability into something that even the players don't give a shit about? Unless something drastic happens in the next coming 2 weeks I'll see you during THE WEEK.

Instead I'm lying here on the couch, getting ready to take a nap with Outside the Lines playing on the TV. There are days when this show is boring as all hell, thus the nap, and there are days when there's some good stories on there. Today was one that just pissed me off.

Picture this:

Oak Harbor Little League, AKA "The Show" not that Graytown AA stuff.

Len "Time Blue" Gerber sends his 1-20 team out into the field to start another inning against yet another lineup his boys are ill equipped to defend. On the first pitch "Unnamed Pitcher" takes a come backer off his head and goes down as the ball trickles over to the third baseman. Unnamed Pitcher is out cold and is life flighted away from game, he doesn't come out of surgery and is pronounced dead. Oak Harbor comes together as a town and makes for a heartwarming story about a town brought together for a cause to get rid of aluminum bats in Little League.

It happened in 2002 in Montana where an 18 year old was drilled with a pitch off an aluminum bat. I gotta agree that baseball should be played with a wooden bat so that's not what motivates me to write this change of pace article. Somehow in the last 7 years somebody found enough evidence to show that the manufacturer of the bat was at fault here. A jury agreed and awarded the family $850,000...

And of course Bob Ley agrees with this whole mess. But could someone with a logical mind please explain to me why in the hell a bat that's made to Little League Specs, allowed in a game, and used in its intended matter is the reason a guy is gone?? Isn't their still the waiver that sports can involve injuries and possibly death anymore??


DISCLAIMER:

I in no way expound my knowledge of Wood vs Aluminum bats because of my vast playing days of the Nation's former Past-Time. I in fact was one of those guys that just "Came out here to Fuck Around" as Len put it after banging choppers off the blacktop at us. So I cared about the difference in bats about as much Deuce cares about the state of the U.S Soccer Midfield but I feel like this is total crap the Louisville Slugger is $850,000 lighter on their Balance Sheet.

I know the OHLL story was a bit weak, but anyone who was there for that year would know exactly the power of "Time Blue"